| 𝘽𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙮 𝘽𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝙊𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙩𝙨 |

| Fading Colours |

Inspired by one of my  Turning Pages by Sleeping At Last. This one's a bit on the sadder side though, besties to prepare for that 😬

Warning(s): some harsh language, mentions of illness/death

~~

/Bucky's POV/

We walked hand in hand. Her smile radiant the sun glowing against the auburn leaves, dancing on the trees. Autumn was her favourite time to go for walks, she insisted that the colours of the changing leaves made it worthwhile. I never minded what [Y/N] wanted to do; she deserved to have that stunning smile on her face forever. It suited her so well.

She stopped in her tracks and pulled me in slightly, smiling up at me. [Y/N] eyes glittered brightly as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I couldn't help but smile back. She had been such a rock in my life. Helping me reintegrate into society, learning all the things that I had missed. [Y/N] taught me how to use technology with a level of patience I couldn't comprehend. She taught me about music that she liked which, while it wasn't quite 40s music, you couldn't help but taking a liking to some of her favourite songs. 

Bust most importantly, she taught me to love who I was, despite who I was before we met before I was frozen in Wakanda. She loved me during the nights where nightmares plagued my sleep and the post-mission recoveries. While I wish I could trade anything to blot out the torture and guilt I carried from my time at HYDRA, I wouldn't have met [Y/N] now. She was the best thing to ever walk into my life.

"I love you," [Y/N] spoke, waking me from my love-induced trance.

"And I love you." I leaned down to meet her lips, further fanning the desire in my heart that I've had since the day we met.

I caressed her face delicately as her cheek became warm with blush.

"You mean so much to me, [Y/N]."

She averted her eyes, blush rising on her cheeks. She smiled sweetly at the ground. She was never great at taking compliments.

I tilted her chin upward to have her eyes meet mine, "I'm serious. You're a fucking badass."

[Y/N] laughed, "You're a true romantic, you know that?" 

Our lips, then, reacquainting.

"Sergeant Barnes, may I have a word?" A voice spoke through the mostly silent hospital room. The heart rate monitor beeped steadily. I squeezed [Y/N]'s frigid hand, which felt lifeless in mine. I made my way to the doctor standing at the room's door, shutting the door behind me.

"Sergeant, [Y/N] is entering the fatal stages of her disease and there's not much else we can do," the doctor flipped through some pages in his clipboard.

I ran my hands through my hair, sighing in distress. Why her? Out of all people, why did it fucking have to her? The love of my life burdened with a curse that was out of our hands to control. The devil himself is taking the love of my life and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

My throat felt tight and dry, tears threatening to escape my eyes. I squeezed my eyes shut, "What can I do? How much time do we have?" 

"Time is pretty indefinite, especially considering how late it was discovered," The doctor replied, "So, my suggestion is to spend as much time as you possibly can. It's only a matter of time."

I sniffed then nodded slightly. I shook the doctor's hand briefly, letting out another sigh. A number of emotions were boiling inside of me: anger, sadness, uncertainty. I wasn't sure where to even begin.

Reentering her room, [Y/N] was staring right at me from her hospital bed. She was smiling but not as brightly as I once remembered. I took her hand in mine and kissed it lightly. Her eyes were still burning bright with life, but they were dimming with each passing day. She became weary and frail, but so brave for the both of us.

"You're still the dork I fell in love with." [Y/N] muttered, so quiet I almost missed what she had said.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Of course, doll, can't change that about me," I took her hands in mine, "And you're still the beautiful woman I fell in love with."

She smiled to herself, looking away from the compliment once again. "You're too charming for my own good, my love."

My smile quickly turned into tears as sweet memories of [Y/N] and I flooded my mind. She squeezed my hand, and cupped my face, "It's going to be alright, my love."

I shook my head, "How? How, [Y/N]? How am I supposed to live knowing that there were so many things you could've done and... and here you are."

[Y/N] smiled. For a moment, I felt a rush of hope fill every part of me. The glowing girl beamed through the dull decor of that damned hospital room. She spoke, "James Buchanan Barnes, you've got me. Even after every star falls from the sky, you've got me."

Without hesitation, I closed the gap between our faces and kissed her lips. I kissed her as if it was the only way to restore her health and have her be okay at the end of the day. I kissed her as if everything depended on this very moment.

Her eyes fluttered open, "I love you, Bucky."

I smiled, tears running down my face, "You're a fucking badass, doll." I caressed her cheek, her melting into the gentle touch, "And I love you."

"Hey, [Y/N]. I just got back from a mission, so I'm sorry I'm sort of late," I started, smiling slightly, "But we stopped the flag smashers, just like you always said. You always knew that even after the toughest missions that everything would work out. It took a lot of work but we did it, my love."

The sun shone its light against her headstone. The flowers I had left her the week prior laid vibrantly against her name. I continued, "Sam changed his mind and decided to take the shield. There's still a lot to go through with that, but that John Walker asshat is dealt with."

My eyes roamed where her body was buried. Tears were tempted to fall from my eyes, my voice breaking, "And I'm finally starting to heal, to make amends with those I hurt. To the families I destroyed. You always believed that I could. You loved me through it all." 

It had been over a year since I lost her. Some days were harder than others. Days where I'd roll over in bed and remember that she wasn't there. Days I'd play her favourite songs and imagine us singing along, dancing around our home. The days where I'd remember her smile warming my heart every time. 

The wind blew in my face making me realize the tears rolling down my cheeks viciously.

My voice croaked, "I miss you, [Y/N]. I miss holding your hand. I miss dancing with you. I miss everything about you... but there are days... where I can feel you with me. I know you're there, doll. Thank you for always being there. You're a fucking badass for that."

I sniffed, shoving my hands into my jacket pockets. The wind began to pick up. "[Y/N], I love you. More than you'll ever know. Wherever you are, be patient, doll. I see you again. I'll tell you everything you missed and everything I've wanted to tell you."

And with that, I left, tears still streaming down my face, but I smiled to myself. Autumn transitioned to winter. The cold fell mercilessly over the city of New York. The colours began to fade, but my colours stayed vibrant.

I held on for her.