What do you do when you...
Hate yourself?
Wake up with someone you don't love?
Can't apologize?
Can't say no?
Didn't say no?
Can't say no?
I didn't say no.
I hate myself.
I woke up with someone I don't love.
I can't apologize.
I can't say no.
I let her use me.
My clothes on the floor,
My heart much, much lower.
So low you question
If it even exists?
-Me (Shhhhh don't say a word.)
She was still asleep. Mornings like these I used to make her breakfast and then go to class. (I would be graduating this year with my Associate's degree.)
Now I just turned the other way and left for the shower.
The water was icy, just the way I like it. Wakes me up and saves money. Besides, I was already compromising comfortability for conformity.
Breakfast I skipped. Not new. But it reminded me of Patrick. My head ached. Also not new. Something or another seemed to ache lately.
The door slid shut behind me. The car started. I drove to class. I listened to an English lecture, sort of. At least I took notes.
Okay normally, I'm a total nerd. I love school and study and get good grades on everything. (Well maybe not math but still. My GPA was 3.65.) But school was just so blah.
Could nothing excite me? Apparently not. I walked around campus during my free period, not wanting to drive away.
So many people. Girls, boys, both or neither. I bet they were normal. I mean, for God's sake, couldn't I be attracted to one person? God must really be pissing himself laughing.
Then it was time for Ancient History. Greeks, Romans, Mesopotamians, Egyptians, another country plus an -ians, etc.
Today happened to be Mesopotomia. Hammurabi, to be specific. An eye for an eye, Hammurabi's code, boring.
"Now to relate it to something a little more... Present." Our professor smiled. "You all remember 9/11. You all remember the unfair imprisonment and interrogation of any Muslim. You all remember the protests. But who remembers what the signs said?"
Oh, are those crickets? Gun. Head. Now. I don't mean any disrespect to those who died in 9/11, but this wasn't going to be on the test, therefore wasn't relevant to me.
"Make love, not war?" Some smartass called out.
"No. Really think. An eye for an eye! What does it mean today?"
That's stupid. If we all stabbed each others back, or did something against this code, say an eye for an eye, that would leave the whole world blind.
