"I can't tell them that!"
"Tell them what? That your parents are jackasses?"
"No. How I'm cracking like a fucking vase."
"I'm going to have a conversation with your parents. Hopefully no chairs fly across the room."
"Please don't."
"Sarcasm."
"I mean don't talk to them. It'll get better eventually. One way or the other."
"Moving out and?"
"You know the other way."
-Me (first) and my girlfriend.
I walked out of the "therapy" session more stressed than ever. I had gotten no help and it wasted money and time. I had an assignment due tomorrow. A theme for English. Who's arms would we fall into if we were drunk with ever person we ever loved.
Empty chairs at empty tables.
But the second part of the assignment was "who would catch us." My English teacher was deep. So I was really thinking about who I loved. Not Beth, sorry. Alex, yes. Patrick. Jack. Gwen. Bianca. Abby. My parents, obviously.
Who was it? I could fall into any of their arms. Well, probably not Abby or Gwen. Or my parents. So that left Alex, Patrick, Jack, and Bianca. Not Jack. Or Bianca. Patrick or Alex...
Alex. And I know they would catch me. Whether I was drunk or sober, it didn't matter how many times I fell. They would catch me.
So I drove back to the dorm and went to the computer lab. I had to write this.
I am not the type of person to get drunk. I am not the type of person that can rely on people, nor can I be relied on. I have had such powerful pain you can't comprehend it, and I certainly won't tell you.
This paper was 20% of our final grade. I could already feel the mic drop.
In my life, haha more like lives, I've been forced to do unspeakable things. I freak out over everything. You try having anxiety, depression, and OCD. And there's only one person in my life I can be myself around, and its not my girlfriend.
I've never realized the truth in that statement until now. So I saved and logged off. It was only 3:30. I didn't have to be back with Beth for two hours.
So I talked to the only person I could fall into: Alex. They were in our dorm room, reading some book. Perry Jacker? Patty John? Close enough. Point is, they were sobbing.
"Lukeeee." Wailing. Absolute wailing. No, I didn't need that eardrum, why do you ask? "My baby."
"Oh god, what is it?"
"Its *gods. And he died."
"I thought you hated him."
"People change. And it can happen so drastically its terrifying."
Like me.
Did I use a fictional character's death for good? Yes. *opens hands* My child, your time has come. Be free, away from me. As it flutters away, I watch it. It's gone. My last fuck to give.
