My lion, My llama (:Phan:)

Eight

Phils POV

    The smell of brewing coffee in the morning was always a favorite of mine. The smell of fire relaxed me. The smell of coconut made me happy and reminded me of the great adventures I've been on with Dan. but the smell of coffee was different. it smelled great, but it makes me think about crazy things in the morning. things that Dan would think about during an existential crisis. like, how do we know were alive or that were humans.

it made me think of earth, how amazing it is. The earth is just a spec of dust in a tiny solar system in a tiny universe in all of space. space was infinite. and that brought me back around again. why did coffee make me think about earth? Questions like this did NOT matter but the ones that did never really went through my head too much. I'm always thinking about life, or Chris...

     I didn't break down, knowing that it wont do me any good. Thinking about him didn't effect me anymore. even though id did yesterday. but its a new day, I guess being single wasn't all that bad. He just wasn't the one. I felt better about it. My first boyfriend already behind me.

     Thinking is great, i like to think of how i met my friends and what adventures we like to have, how meaningless yet purposeful it was to us. i go into a trance about the world and space. sipping my cup of coffee every once and a while. i only notice that I'm sitting on the couch with the TV off after my coffee is finished. a hand crosses my eyes. awakening me from my thoughts to see Dan looking at me.

"Phil you OK?" He asks

I think to myself, am I?

"Dan, whats an existential crisis like?" I ask, looking up in his face with a pillow in my arms.

Dan sits down with a cheeky smile of his face, looking at the floor. "Phil, i knew this time was coming" He looks up at me. "Your first existential crisis." Dan puts his hand on my shoulder and looks at me in the eyes. this was one of his sarcastic lines. We giggle. "so i guess the couch will be your existential crisis spot?" He asks getting up, "yea i guess so." I lie down so that my face is on the couch. "Ill make you pancakes, Phil" He laughs.

Is this an existential crisis or is it depression? It must be an existential crisis. it had to be i was better then this.

   " Here you go Phil, some pancakes. you want the TV on?"

I look at him confused. wouldn't that make it worse i think. its like he read my mind.

"Trust me it will make you feel better." He hands me the plate.

I give him  a small nod, showing that i thanked him.

      We hear a ring on Dans phone, causing us both to move our heads in sync to where his phone was, which was the table. Caller ID telling us its Pj. Dans picks his phone up clicking answer. He puts his phone next to his ear. Followed by a friendly "Hi".

Dan got off the phone and walks back into the lounge. "Hey, PJ is having a party for his birthday Tomorrow night. Were going no matter if your having an existential crisis or not." He giggles, setting his phone back down and gets in Browsing position.

-o-

    My existential crisis wasn't as long as Dans, its been over for about an hour now, yet it is the end of the day. I better get to sleep so i can be wide awake for the party tomorrow, i know Pj always has pretty large parties. I look over at Dan who hasn't moved from browsing position since dinner.

"Dan I'm tired" i set my laptop down.

"Yea me too, wanna watch Buffy as were falling asleep?"

as if that was even a question. I smile and answer yes. I grab a fluffy blanket from the chair and set it over both of us on the couch so that im layed on top of him.

     I loved these moments, just cuddling. i don't really like Dan like that but it was nice to sleep with my arms around him, even though he liked to fall asleep much later then me. it felt good to fall asleep like this.

i fall into a deep sleep next to him. almost every night.