Drowning | Anorexic Todoroki x Bakugou

2 | Sinking

Shouto Todoroki

Setting his stack of clothes on a nearby table, Todoroki opened up the door to his bathroom and locked it behind him once he entered. He'd always felt extraordinarily self-conscious when purging, and his mind often deceived him into believing that there were footsteps outside or a faint knock at his door. Even though the walls in the dormitories were considerably sound-proof, Todoroki had a lingering fear of someone somehow hearing him from outside. So, he waited. He listened to his surroundings on his knees, and after roughly twenty seconds of reassuring himself that no one was close to his dorm, he obeyed the cacophonous ringing in his chest and his head.

You should be proud of yourself for this, Todoroki's mind reminded him as he shoved his fingers down his throat. You don't need the extra calories. You're fat. Your body doesn't need all this extra fat to keep running. Get rid of it. Look at the fat you put into your body. Don't stop there. Throw it all back up. Keep digging. Until your stomach is empty, keep slowly vomiting up everything you decided to fatten yourself with. Grimacing, Todoroki coughed before inhaling and exhaling swiftly after his body had been freed from its chains of retching and vomiting; it felt like he was paralyzed while his involuntary actions consumed him. Good. Don't you feel so much better?

Wincing at the acidic bile burning his throat, Todoroki forced himself up to his feet and cleaned up after himself; he ensured that he thoroughly washed out his mouth and thoroughly scrubbed his left hand. Yet, despite having voided himself of everything in his stomach, he could not vomit up the guilt that sat in his stomach like a glacier.

Yes, but it agitates my own guilt. I guess I feel guilty for eating in the first place, but I am hungry. It's easier to ignore my hunger now than it was when this all started, though. It's just normal now. Tomorrow, I need to work out. I won't eat anything tomorrow. I'm so fat. There's still so much fat. I need to burn it off. Even if I'm weak and have no muscle, I have to burn off this disgusting fat. For the next two weeks, I won't eat. I'll just work out. Yet, I feel like I work out less than I did before. Getting into this, it was hard to stay loyal to restricting how much I ate, but I worked out more. I ate more, purged more, and worked out more. Now, I feel so useless. I remember sitting on the floor and staring at my hand for at least seven minutes before I tried purging for the first time. I couldn't do it. It was taking too long, and I just kept gagging instead of throwing anything up. But after I had more time to realize how fucking fat I am, I had the motivation to finally go through with it.

Once Todoroki arrived at Bakugou's dorm, he locked the door while Bakugou's head peaked through the ajar bathroom door.

"'Bout time," Bakugou scoffed with a smirk. "Oi, make yerself comfy. I wanna talk to you about somethin'."

Bitter fear licked the roof of Todoroki's mouth as he set his clothes on Bakugou's desk, slid out of his slippers, and nestled himself into Bakugou's warm, sugary bed. He didn't utter a word, but he did deeply inhale the traces of burnt sugar emanating from Bakugou's bed. Basking in the familiar, soothing scent of his boyfriend, Todoroki curled up into a cozy cocoon.

Bakugou soon extinguished the light that draped over their heads. He stretched in the dim, saffron light of his bedside lamp, and with that, he snuggled up next to Todoroki and planted a kiss on his lover's cheek.

"You know I love ya, right?" chuckled the ash-blonde in a gravelly whisper.

Who would love a fatass like you? "You know I love you more than you love me, right?" Todoroki tilted his head as Bakugou interlaced their lips, and like an ocean wave rushing and receding, their lips encompassed the shore of the other's lips before retreating and crashing back over their peach crescents. "Mm. You try to be dominant, but sometimes, you end up being very soft." He puffed a breath from his nostrils onto Bakugou's velvety, warm cheek.

I wish you hadn't kissed me. I think I cleaned my mouth out and gargled more than enough, but it still terrifies me to think about.

"Shut up," Bakugou snarled with a scowl gracing his burning expression. "But, oi. Shouto?" His garnet eyes met Todoroki's heterochromatic eyes.

"Hm?"

Bakugou glanced away for a moment. "You're eating regularly, right?" His blazing gaze did not waver.

I try not to eat at all, but I don't have any schedule. I usually end up eating because of you because you worry about me in your own way. Worthless. I make you worry...

A bullet of nauseating guilt and frigid fear shot through Todoroki's temple. "Yeah," he replied nonchalantly, but the internal temperature of his forehead felt like a pool of lava. "Why do you ask?" He could feel the tips of Bakugou's hair brushing against his cheek.

"I feel like you're not eating very much," Bakugou admitted; his reply twisted Todoroki's stomach into a snarl. "Is something goin' on, Shouto?" Each word that dripped from Bakugou's lips felt like a lethal dose of poison to Todoroki's mind.

Todoroki shook his head. "I didn't really notice, but maybe? I guess I've been more focused on school lately. But I'm all right, Katsuki. It's sweet of you to be worried, though." He swallowed down the lump clogging his throat.

"Tch. I'll believe ya." Bakugou cupped Todoroki's cheek. "Do you...ever feel like you're fat?" He blinked steadily while peering into Todoroki's eyes.

You've never been fatter than you are now. "No?" Todoroki lied. "Kat, I think you're looking too deep into this."

Bakugou released a gruff sigh. "Maybe. I just wanna be safe rather than sorry. I'm gonna hate myself if there's something hurtin' you, and I never noticed." A hint of a growl hissed through his words.

The only thing hurting you is yourself, you fatass. Why are you still eating? Because you're hungry? You'll never be thin. Look at how fucking fat you are. Don't you want to look good for Katsuki? Lose some weight. Stop. Eating.

You can see my ribs, though. Katsuki surely wouldn't want to see that. Why...am I still trying to fight this? It doesn't matter. He won't see them. Ever. He'll never see how fat I really am. I can't let him stop me. I need this. I have to do this to myself. You don't understand, Katsuki... I have to.

With that, Todoroki closed his eyes, and he began sinking further into the mental maw of his thoughts. Like stepping into quicksand, the predicament was easy to be wedged into, and the longer Todoroki lingered in its lethal grasp, the further down he sank. He couldn't breathe. He flailed in his death throes in an attempt to escape, but once his hand was swallowed up by the undulating quicksand, he closed his eyes, held his breath, and gave in to the claws of gravity.