Drowning | Anorexic Todoroki x Bakugou

Alternate 4 | Deadly Secrets

Shouto Todoroki

To say the least, Todoroki had dug himself into quite the predicament. He lied to his therapist about his well-being, and he made the decision to discontinue his therapy sessions. He lied to Bakugou about the improvements he'd made of his own volition. He lied to himself about what he was truly doing to himself and why.

Two months had passed since Todoroki discontinued his therapy, and while he had been loyal to his own word for only allowing himself to purge once a day, the second week's structure swiftly collapsed. Todoroki began to feel like he was living in his bathroom more and more with each day. He was unable to resist the tantalizing urges racking his mind, and he figured that he could conceal the damage. So, he ate with Bakugou as usual, but Bakugou trusted him not to throw up after eating, and Todoroki had taken advantage of that fact to void his stomach of its contents behind Bakugou's back.

Guilt perforated Todoroki's stomach by the fourth week. The progress he'd made over the course of sixth months was gradually thrown up over the span of a few weeks. He'd been lying to his family and his classmates, but much to Todoroki's chagrin, he'd also been lying to his own boyfriend and blatantly ignoring him. To keep the shameful truth locked inside, Todoroki heavily distanced himself from everyone while ensuring that he continued to tell the convincing lie that he was fine.

Bakugou had asked Todoroki how he was doing numerous times, but each time, Todoroki brushed the pain aside and claimed to be doing well. Though, Todoroki noticed how Bakugou seemed to make fewer attempts at contacting him, initiating conversations or holding them, and simply being affectionate with him. So, as weeks of awkward interactions became the equivalent of a few months, Todoroki and Bakugou no longer retained the same relationship as they had previously held. Instead, Bakugou proposed that they take some time apart from each other to see if they still wanted to be together or not, and so they did.

Meanwhile, Todoroki had lost all the weight he'd put on, and much to his mind's warped sense of joyous accomplishment, he was at his thinnest. Frankly, Todoroki didn't want to eat. For the past few weeks, he was exceptionally proud to know that he hadn't eaten anything at all.

Scrutinizing his reflection for the fifth time that day, Todoroki wanted to cry. He hated his body. He hated how, in his head, he pictured others to be even thinner than he was, but he wanted to be as thin as the figures in his head. He wanted to have their shapes and their self-confidence. Yet, all he could do was pinch the parts of his flesh that bulged or sagged more than the rest.

"Why am I still so fat?" Todoroki hissed under his breath while sucking in his stomach. "Look at how much thinner I could be... Instead, I have all this fat clinging onto me. I have to get rid of it." He began to trace his fingers over the glaring scars from his deepest wounds. "They itch. I hate them. They're so ugly. But it feels nice to make them. Just like this fat, I wish I could cut off the scars and have them heal like normal skin, but I know that's not going to happen. I'm so fat... Dammit, why can't I be thin like I know other people are? If they can be thinner, why can't I be that thin?"

While running his hand over his abdomen, Todoroki received a text message.

Katsuki
Hey. How are you feeling after all this?

Me
pretty good, honestly

Katsuki
If you're doing fine without me, then I don't see why we should keep being in a relationship. You haven't tried to talk to me at all. You've ignored my calls and messages. That fucking hurt. I love you, but I need to move on if you're gonna choose to ignore me like this. I know you've been doing well, so, why? I just wanna know what made you treat me like this. Was it my fault? Did I fuck something up? Is there something I just didn't understand? Is this whole thing my misunderstanding?