Drowning | Anorexic Todoroki x Bakugou

5 | Isolation

Shouto Todoroki

Todoroki fell into silence while his boyfriend's sympathetic stare lingered on him. He'd never been told to seek out help before, and he'd never been called out on the facade he wore to mask his eating disorder. No one but Recovery Girl had ever confronted him about his eating habits until Bakugou mentioned it. Although seldom during school, Todoroki would often faint, but he insisted that it was constant drowsiness from the lack of sleep. During one of his visits to Recovery Girl, however, Todoroki's lies unraveled once Recovery Girl realized that his knuckles, nails, and teeth had all been damaged by Todoroki's self-induced vomiting.

Recollecting the horrific day of Recovery Girl's discovery, Todoroki could remember seeing that he'd greatly damaged his esophagus, but frankly, he didn't care whatsoever. He acted as though he did and claimed that he would seek out help for his eating disorder, but Todoroki was simply pushed in the direction of deciding not to eat. During that regretful visit to the infirmary, Todoroki had been eating far more often than his present self, and thus, he'd been purging far more often. At the time, it was still exceptionally difficult for him to ignore his hunger pains and cravings for cold soba, but as time went on, Todoroki transitioned from relying most heavily on vomiting up everything he'd eaten, to simply starving himself and purging whatever he happened to eat.

Todoroki's memories were torn asunder by reality. "Shouto," Bakugou sternly pleaded, but Todoroki remained silent. "I'm not sayin' this cuz I hate you. I'm fucking worried, Shouto. What if you knew that I was starving myself? How'd you feel?" He placed his hand on Todoroki's shoulder.

I'd feel terrible. But you're not me, and I'm not you. I love you, Katsuki, but I don't think this relationship is going to get very far when I'm like this. I don't want help. I don't need help. The help isn't going to help. I'm sorry, Katsuki. I just need to lose more weight. Then, when I'm happy with myself, we can get back together. Maybe. But I can't keep hurting you like this. I love you, so I'm going to end our relationship because I don't want it to end up being toxic. I want a good, memorable, true relationship. But I can't tell you that... You'd pity me. You'd try to help me. I don't need help. I just need to burn off more fat.

Todoroki shook his head while swallowing down the trepidation adhering to his tongue. "Katsuki..." he whispered before lifting his head and feeling as a dagger of guilt impaled his stomach. "I..." His vision blurred as though he'd been looking underwater. "If this is how our relationship is going to be, I think..." He inhaled deeply in an attempt to grip his swishing thoughts. "I think it needs to end, Katsuki. At least for now." He dug his nails into his palms.

Bakugou's eyes swelled with an ocean of dissonant emotion. "You're..." He grasped onto Todoroki's hands before seethingly whispering under his breath, "You're...breaking up with me?!" He gently shook Todoroki's hands.

I can't keep dragging you down into my own problems. "I'm sorry..." With a single, hefty blink, Todoroki winced, but his fragile eyes did not open again. "In time, I'll explain, Katsuki. I will. I just..." He bolted his jaw shut and shook his head. "I need to leave..."

"Don't..." Bakugou sobbed. "Shouto, I—"

"Please let go of me."

With a petrified expression of melancholic astonishment, Bakugou released Todoroki. He could only watch as Todoroki shakily stood and hobbled out of his dorm.

"I'm so sorry..." Todoroki managed to utter in a cracked sigh before closing the door to Bakugou's dorm and meandering back to his own.

Once Todoroki had locked himself inside of his dorm, he nestled into the soothing warmth of his futon, but the warmth could not permeate his mind. He curled in on himself as though his body was being surrounded by a wave of insects. His heart squirmed in his chest, and it bashed at his temples. Todoroki wanted to sleep off the undulating mass of emotions gnawing at his chest, and he wanted to block out the relentless thoughts crunching through his head, but the intangible blades slicing through his psyche were ceaseless.