Drowning | Anorexic Todoroki x Bakugou

Alternate 5 | Selfish

Shouto Todoroki

Todoroki pinched the flesh around his stomach before clasping onto both sides of his head and slamming his elbows against the counter below his mirror. "No matter what I do...I'm still so fat!" Consumed by his howling emotions, he was unable to feel the persisting vibrations of his phone.

Despite the emptiness growling within Todoroki's stomach, he nonetheless found himself erupting with the writhing emotions that he'd predominantly directed at his body rather than at himself. He curled his fingers and jammed his nails into the layer of flesh outlining his skull while his elbows trembled against the frigid counter. Slowly, his nails scraped downwards, and the icy feeling of his flesh being raked open swiftly began to burn.

Too late, I finally realize that I'll never be happy with however thin I might be because I'm me—the thing in this world that I hate the most. Todoroki wanted to scream at the person standing in front of him that copied his every move. It's like I'm the fat I'll never be able to burn off! I hate it. I hate every part of it! I hate every single fucking part of it! He vacantly stared at the burn mark that pooled around his left eye while his thunderstorm of emotion continued to boil and screech. Get rid of what I don't want. Get rid of the fat. Dig... Dig it out. Dig it out. DIG EVERY PART OF IT OUT!

Todoroki mercilessly tore into the burn mark on his face with his nails while his veins bulged from his taut arms. Rapidly raking raw flesh itself open, Todoroki could feel the warm blood leaking from his burning wounds, and he could feel every agonizing twinge of pain pulsing through his eye, but he couldn't have cared less. All Todoroki cared about was tearing himself apart as fat beadlets of blood spilled from his chin to the floor.

Despite the bloody streaks of self-inflicted lacerations littering the left half of Todoroki's face, he still was not satisfied with the damage. One taste of the addictive jabs of constant pain that burned the truth beneath the wounds was all it took to become a taste that Todoroki craved. Denial and belief bled from different wounds, but the source and initiator were still the same, and thus, the divergent rivers of crimson that collided were still one and the same. He didn't care that it burned like the boiling water that his mother had poured down his face. He didn't care about the consequences. He didn't care if he would regret his impulsive decisions later. All Todoroki cared about was attaining the product he desired, no matter how impossible it was to finally grasp.

That's how it always is...isn't it? No matter what I do or where I run to, I can't escape. Haha... But it'll get better again, right? The wounds will heal with time. When one wound heals, another one soon forms. I'm sick of this. Why bother resisting when I never get better enough to stay that way? When happiness is just a temporary feeling, and my main source of happiness is a false hope that I can get over it all one day? 'This time, I'll get through it.' Knowing what state I could be in used to be a main source of motivation to pull through and get there, but now, it just taunts me. I know I can't hold on, so why bother climbing? It's too intimidating to try. Pathetic, but this is what I am.

It's so childish. Why is this even a problem I have? It's not a problem. No. It's just me. I'm just childish. I'm just pathetic. I'm just acting like everything is so much worse than it really is. I'm just exaggerating. There's nothing wrong with me. It's all...just a childish exaggeration. Right. Endeavor reminded me that I'm just being childish and wasting too much time on trivial things. Then why... Why can't I...

As though staring at the vile threads of saliva that would adhere to Todoroki's hand whenever he purged, Todoroki lowered his quaking hands from his unidentifiable face, and there, he stared at the blood winding down his hands. His twitching, sore eyes struggled to see anything clearly, but he could discern that blood caked his nails.