Drowning | Anorexic Todoroki x Bakugou

3 | Bullshit

Katsuki Bakugou

Roughly one week had passed since Bakugou had expressed his concerns regarding Todoroki's eating habits, and with each day that passed, Bakugou's worries only increased. He'd observed Todoroki's behaviors without bringing up the topic again to spin a comparison—he planned to confront Todoroki again to see his boyfriend's behaviors after the confrontation.

I need to talk to him about this, Bakugou inwardly sighed while returning to the dormitory with Todoroki at his side. He doesn't eat. He's lying about how much he eats whenever I ask. I asked Shitty Hair, the electric mouse, and Deku to tell me if they've seen Shouto in the kitchen or common area, and at what time they were there. He's lied about eating and when he's eaten at least four damn times this week. He's been working out a lot. He says he ain't hungry, but he's definitely lost weight. He was already thin. He's even thinner now. Fuck. I hope I'm somehow wrong about this all, but the evidence is damning. He's always cold, and he's started to wear baggier clothes as well. How do I bring this up? My stomach feels like a pit just thinkin' about it.

Bakugou exhaled sharply and gnashed his teeth together for a brief moment. "Oi," he called out to Todoroki, who stood beside him with their hands connected. "Wanna get somethin' to eat? You didn't eat lunch." He gently rubbed his thumb against Todoroki's thumb.

Todoroki shook his head, much to Bakugou's apprehension. "I'm not hungry," Todoroki promptly replied. "I have homework I need to work on, but I'll eat dinner after that." He nodded slowly.

Bullshit. "Wanna...go out for dinner? Been a while since we've been on a date. There's a restaurant I wanna take you to. Lemme treat ya to something." He tightened his grip around Todoroki's hand while cold sweat slithered down his spine.

Todoroki was silent for a few century-long seconds. "All right..." he reluctantly whispered; his expression drooped a bit, yet it retained its neutral, natural lack of an expression. "I like the sound of that." Bakugou couldn't help but frown at how forced the fake joy in Todoroki's voice seemed.

I can just tell by his body language and how he's responded that he does not want any part of this, Bakugou regretfully realized. I won't say anything yet. I want to see what he orders and how much of it he eats. I think he's gonna order something with the least amount of calories, and he'll probably stick with having water. Water... He drinks a lot of water. Probably because he's fucking hungry but won't eat. God, my chest feels fuckin' heavy, and it feels like someone's crushing my damn heart. Well, why the hell wouldn't this hurt? The person I fucking love...I'm pretty damn sure is starving himself.

Later that afternoon, when the two had arrived at the restaurant of Bakugou's choice and were contemplating their orders, Bakugou asked, "Whaddya think you'll get?" His pupils were elevated to glance at Todoroki from the opposite side of the table.

"Cold soba, of course," Todoroki sighed through the chatter washing across the background. "I'm assuming you're getting the spicy curry?" He tilted his head.

Is he just gettin' the soba to make it seem like he's ordering as he normally would? "Hell yeah," Bakugou cackled while observing how much water Todoroki had consumed. "Y'know, if you drink so much water, yer not gonna have any room for the soba." His pointed jab caused Todoroki to loosen his grip on the glass of water he held atop the table.

"Oh, I didn't really think about that." Fucking bullshit if you ask me. "I was just thirsty," He shrugged and retracted his hand.

"Cuz you were workin' out?"

"Yeah."

"Why do you work out so much?"

Todoroki sank into silence before uttering, "I like working out. It gives me a sense of accomplishment when I'm done." His dusty words flaked off into frigid monochrome.

You're gonna burn off any muscle mass you have or wanna gain if you're not eating, and you're already hella fit, so I'd think your 'sense of accomplishment' is referring to burning off calories, Bakugou thought while nodding. Tch. Kinda hurts that he won't tell me the truth about this. I get it, but... Doesn't he trust me not to be upset, annoyed, whatever? And it ain't like this isn't affecting our relationship. It is. He doesn't spend as much time with me anymore, and it always feels like he's putting on an act when he's around me just to try and hide the truth. I hate it. I want him to be honest with me.

Once their orders were served to them, Bakugou savored the taste of his curry, but the overall taste was dulled by the perplexing chains of his feelings that tugged on his guts; it almost felt like the loops of a long chain were slowly and agonizingly passing through his digestive tract. He observed how slowly Todoroki ate, how he mainly pushed his soba around rather than eating it, and how he seemed to consume more water than food. Todoroki's expression was sagging by that point, and Bakugou could tell that Todoroki did not intend to eat any more than the minuscule portion of what he'd already eaten.

"Babe..." Bakugou sighed, but Todoroki offered no reaction. "You gotta eat." His brows lowered.

"I have been," Todoroki wearily murmured. "Sorry if I sound rude. I'm tired. I'll pay for dinner. I'm not hungry." He set his chopsticks down.

I think he's tired of putting on a face and acting like the person I see. Probably would be hella tiring. I like the feeling of eating healthy, being healthy, and of the burn when I'm exercising, so it's so fucking hard to imagine being in his shoes. Why would you starve yourself? I don't understand. That sounds hella fuckin' awful. Not letting yourself eat when your stomach's a whole-ass thunderstorm? Not getting to taste delicious food? Not having energy for shit? Can't imagine it. But he needs to eat and get some help for this before it literally and figuratively consumes his life. When was the last time he even ate anything? How can you even resist eating some good food when you're fucking starving? I don't know, but that's why it hurts like hell to know that he can, will, and does it all the time.

"Shouto, I know that's bullshit," Bakugou spat with a scalding, sympathetic glare. "I know you're hungry. Just eat a little more, and we can go."

Without a word, Todoroki ate two more bunches of soba noodles. Upon finishing, he plucked a napkin from beside him and brushed over his lips with it. He pulled out his wallet and handed Bakugou his card.

"Use mine," Todoroki sighed with his nose pointed to the floor. "If you use yours, I'm paying you back. I just need to use the bathroom. I'll be right back." With that, he briskly walked off towards the bathroom.

Is it selfish that I want him to be focusing on me? Bakugou wondered while watching Todoroki's crimson and white hair disappear. I fucking wish that I knew about this when I got into this relationship. Yet, I can't blame him. I woulda done the same thing. No use dwelling on the past. That's just a rabbit hole to hell. What am I supposed to do? This is so fucking awkward. It's not something either of us wanna talk about, and it's hella uncomfortable to even think about, no less discuss face-to-face. He needs help. But I don't wanna force that onto him yet without us talking about this first. I hate all the bullshit he's throwing at me, even though I understand why. Don't fucking yell at him, Katsuki. Tch.

Goddamn, there must be a line or somethin'. The hell is taking him so long? It's been like fifteen minutes. Maybe he's not feelin' good. Probably not used to eating. Christ, this is just fucking sad. I dunno how long this has been going on, but I feel like shit for not realizing sooner. I've been with him for months, and I'm only now realizing what's going on with him. Ugh, for fuck's sake, Shouto, what the hell is taking so long?

Once Todoroki finally returned to the table, Bakugou handed him his card. "You okay?" Bakugou questioned.

Todoroki nodded. "Yeah. Sorry, there was...a bit of a wait before I could use the bathroom." He glanced at his left hand.

"Figured. I did use your card, by the way. Now, you ready?"

"Yeah."

"Cuz we need to talk when we get back, Shouto."