Why? [TommyInnit Angst]

Chapter 1: Its not a problem

A/N: hey just thought I should sat I'm not very good at writing and am just kind of using this to vent lol. Anyways that being said this might not be updated that often or even finished. Also this is in Tommy's pov and will most likely stay that way!

I stood up, the blood immediately rushing to my head as black spots started to fade my vision.
You good? I asked myself laughing as the room stopped spinning and my vision quickly went back to normal.
It's weird to think this used to scare me considering it happened pretty much every time I stood up now.
Not giving myself time to be with my own thoughts I quickly shoved my earbuds in and blasted a random Wilbur Soot song (you pick) as I got ready for the gym.

I ran down the stairs to the kitchen, my heart dropping when I realized my dad was sitting at the table on his computer.

I didn't really have much to not like about him, I mean yeah he was kind of narcissistic, homophobic and rasict, but its not like he was abusive or anything. Besides he did pay for everything from food to vacations.
I ignored how tense I had become, making myself a cup of lemon water. I wasn't planning on eating anything considering I was almost positive my mom would make me choose a fast food restaurant to get lunch at after we finished working out.

Well that and the fact that I hated eating around my dad. I couldn't explain why, the thought just made me physically sick.

"Hey Toms, I'm going to be ready to leave here in 10 minutes, make sure you eat something before we leave ok?" my mom smiled walking through the kitchen as she was packing her gym bag.

I started to tense up again. I knew she was on to me. It wasn't that long ago we had 'the conversation'.

~Flashback~

I was helping her carry grocery bags in the house, finally setting down the last two, about to go back up to my room and change when she stopped me.

"Hey Toms," She said, getting my attention.

"yeah? "

"I got you some low calorie snacks." she said as she started to pull out the boxes, reading out the calorie counts.

"It would be nice if you ate these before we go to the gym, you looked like you were going to pass out last time." She smiled, setting the boxes down.

I could feel myself start to panic and tear up.

Fuck

"Oh ok, I'm going to go change." I said quickly running up to my bedroom.

Don't get me wrong I appreciated the effort, at least she tried. But she didn't know this wouldn't help, being honest she probably didn't even know that I wasn't eating at all.

But, lucky for her I don't need help, I'm perfectly capable of handling it on my own, and it's not like it's really a problem in the first place. I mean I do need it.

~ End of Flashback ~

"You ready?" my mom asked, tying her shoes.

"Yep" I replied, grabbing my gym bag and walking out to the car, waiting next to the door for my
mom to unlock it.

~ Time skip to about 2 min into the car ride ~

I had finally decided on a song, one of Wilbur's, and adjusted to a comfortable position, resting my head on the window just watching the clouds pass by. The car was one of the few places I could relax, no yelling, no voices, no pain, just the passing clouds and constant soothing motion.

I started to zone out thinking about random video ideas when an obnoxious audio clip of Wilbur, Tubbo, Ranboo and I singing Dreams song roadtrip suddenly brought me back.