Why? [TommyInnit Angst]

Chapter 8: The Calm Before the Storm

A/N: Quick TW for panic attacks (added it to the description)

Also quick reminder that everything that happens in this chapter is platonic.

Anyways have some rushed Tommy Tubbo fluff! 💖

I was running in a flower field with Tubbo when I heard the muffled sound of my distorted alarm. 

I squeezed my eyes tight, not wanting to wake up. After all this was one of those rare occasions when I didn't have a nightmare or wake up coughing. But it seemed that whenever I managed to get sleep like this it never lasted long enough.

I finally gave in and got up to mute my phone. While doing so I checked my alarm clock to see that it was indeed 4am. I had only gone to sleep 2 hours ago but while disappointed, I wasn't worried. I’d probably just sleep on the plane, it's not like I’ll have anything better to do anyways.

On that note I spent a good 20 minutes going through my luggage to make sure I had everything packed. 

One night while I was stressing about the meetup I decided to make a must pack list of items I could not forget. This consisted of a swim shirt, sweatshirts, laxatives and my earbuds. I debated adding the razor to the list. I mean I could most likely get away with cutting considering the cuts were small and healed fairly quick, and no one would be suspicious of me having one in my bathroom. If they questioned it I could just say I use it to shave and feel manly. 

In theory bringing the razor would be as easy as bringing underwear so why was I so hesitant? Why is there a part of me that's so scared to bring it? 

My thoughts were scattered by a knock on my door. 

I looked up to see my mom standing in the doorway to make sure I was up.    

"Wilbur's going to be here to pick you up in an hour, make sure you have everything packed and eat something small before you leave." She said, smiling down at me. 

I just nodded as she walked away. 

By the time I finally finished packing and double checking that I had everything I still had around 50 minutes to kill so I decided to do a quick alt stream. 

The chat had no idea the meet up was happening so it would be fun to see chat as normal not suspecting anything before it starts blowing up on Twitter. 

The stream went well, nothing noteworthy happened. Just as I suspected, the chat was clueless. 

A few people questioned why I was streaming so early so I just said I had some time to kill before a doctor's appointment and thought it would be nice for people in certain time zones that usually missed out. 

As soon as I ended I looked at my discord notifications. They were flooded with texts from a mix of Wilbur, George and Jack begging me to not leak the meetup. I laughed. I only planned to poke fun at the chat but this was so much better! 

Then my chest started to tighten. What if they were actually mad and uninvited me or kicked me out of the smp all together? What if they never want to talk to me again? 

My thoughts started racing a mile a minute. They went by so fast. I couldn't think about anything for more then half a second before another replaced it. 

Before I knew it I was in a fetal position on my floor. What the Fuck is happening? 

Then it clicked. I was having a panic attack. Or maybe it was an anxiety attack I'm not sure.

 Ok. Fuck. I remember learning about them in school. I racked my brain trying to remember the methods for dealing with them, they had taught us.