trillie one shots

•coming clean when September ends•

(Based on coming clean and wake me up when September ends.)

Billie was sitting on the floor in his bedroom. He had his knees up to his chest, it was the only way he could stay calm. His back resting against the foot of his bedframe. He had already had two panic attacks, and it was only noon. The reason why he couldn't calm down is because his dad was in the hospital again. His dad had been sick with cancer for the last two years. And last week his mom found him passed out on the living room floor. They rushed him to the hospital and he hadn't woken up yet. Billie's mom had taken him to see his dad yesterday with his siblings. He was sitting in one of the horrible plastic hospital chairs. He stared at his dad, he was hooked up to all these different machines. He over heard the doctor talking to his mom outside the room. He heard the doctor tell her that he wouldn't make it to next week. His second panic attack had barely subsided, when his mom knocked on his door. He could tell it was his mom because she always gave two soft knocks. He felt his stomach drop again, his mom came in and sat down next to him, putting her arm around him and holding him tight.

"Sweetheart, dad didn't make it" she sighed, he didn't know what to do. He just dropped his head, curling up further. He didn't cry, maybe because he didn't have any tears left. "Is there anything I can do" she asked, hating to see her son in so much pain. "Just wake me up when September ends".

~7 years later~

Billie was seventeen now, he was a senior in highschool. He had two best friends, his only friends. Mike who he met in the principals office in fifth grade. And Tre who had transferred to the same middle school as them in the sixth grade. They all immediately clicked and had been inseparable ever since. It was Saturday September first, the seventh anniversary of his dad dieing. Billie opened his eyes, dreading having to go through the day. He took his dad's death the hardest so every year everyone would baby him, like he was still ten years old having panic attacks in his closet. He has suffered from regular panic attacks since his dad died. He had a small collection of scars on his arms and thighs, thanks to his crippling anxiety and chronic depression. As he got older it only got worse, it was just easier to hide. He would usually have panic attacks in the school bathroom during lunch, of course Mike and Tre were well aware of it by now. Tre was always the one that would help him down from his anxiety. And Mike would usually give him a good tight hug, and buy him lunch after. Most of the time they would just skip out on school lunch and sneak out the back to the burger place across the street.

They would share a joint or two on the way back, just barely making it to their next class five minutes late. Billie made his way downstairs in just his black sweatpants and socks, noticing nobody was home. His mom had stuck a note to the fridge that read " have to work all day, be home late xo mom" he peeled it off the fridge and tossed it on the kitchen table. He grabbed a bottle of water and went back upstairs, he wanted breakfast but didn't have any motivation to make it. He got back in bed and wrapped the blankets tightly around his skinny frame. It didn't take long for his thoughts to spiral. "Dad's never coming back" "no one likes you" "queer" "homo freak" "you're just a gross fag, everyone knows" "you're disgusting" "you're a loser who's never gonna amount to anything". Billie realized he was bisexual a few months ago, but hadn't told the guys because he was so scared of getting a bad reaction. He was shaking at this point, about to have another panic attack. He could feel that it was gonna be really bad. He picked up the phone resting in it's holder on his nightstand. He punched in Tre's number and laid back down, making sure he didn't catch the cord on anything.

Riiing, riiing riinng

Tre walked over to the house phone mounted on the wall. "Heello" he chirped into the phone taking a bite of his sandwich. "H-hey Tre um d-do you think you could come over please" he could tell billie was already starting to have a panic attack. "Yeah absolutely man, I'll be there in like 10 minutes,ok" "ok" billie responded hanging up the phone. He laid back down hugging his knees to his chest, starting to hyperventilate. Tre quickly got dressed, put on his shoes and grabbed his skateboard. He snatched up his keys, said goodbye to his parents, and quickly jumped on his board, heading to his best friends house. Billie heard knocking from upstairs, he got out of bed and shakily made his way downstairs. He unlocked the door and opened it to see a rather worried looking Tre. He let Tre in and Tre pulled him into a tight hug as he closed the door. Billie loosely wrapped his arms around Tre and rested his head on his shoulder. He pulled away and Tre followed him upstairs to his room.

Billie laid back down on his bed, Tre slipped his high tops off and got into bed with him. He pulled him into his arms, "tell me what's going on in that beautiful mind, pretty boy". Billie started to cry, letting out all of his built up emotions. Tre hugged him tight, he rubbed small circle on his back, comforting him as he cried. Billie sobbed, crying for what felt like hours. He finally started to calm down, he realized that Tre had stopped rubbing his back and started playing with his hair. Tre looked down at him, "do you wanna tell me what's going on now, pretty boy" billie nodded. He sat up grabbing a tissue to wipe his nose. Tre sat up and wrapped his arm around his best friend. "Take your time bj it's ok". "Well" billie started " today is seven years that my dad's been gone and it still hurts so much, everyone said it would get better but it didn't, it still hurts so fuckin much, and I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do with my life and I feel like a goddamn failure" he sobbed. "Everything just fucking sucks and I feel like everyone hates me, I hate myself so fucking much. I'm so ugly and stupid, and I'm just a gross fucking f-fag that can never do anything right I never have anything good to offer, I'm just everybody's fucking burden". A tear rolled down Tre's face, he hated that billie was in so much pain.

Tre pulled his best friend closer. "Well I don't think any of that pretty boy. You're smart, and funny, and so fucking awesome. You fucking rock on the guitar, and you always make mine and Mike's day better, even if it's already going good" billie laughed and wiped away a stray tear. He could always count on his friends to make him feel better. Billie felt Tre draw back a bit, which meant he was getting nervous. "A-and I don't think you're ugly, I think you're really good looking". He looked up at Tre, his face a soft shade of red. Billie didn't say anything, just closed his eyes and pulled him into a kiss. Tre was shocked at first but kissed back, it was like fireworks went off in his chest. Billie pulled away slowly, Tre was blushing again but this time in a good way. "Did you really mean everything you said, about me" he asked resting his head on Tre's shoulder. "Of course I did, billie" Tre told him "you're my...." He paused, not knowing how to finish it. "Boyfriend" billie said confidently, smiling like a fool. "Boyfriend" Tre finished, pulling billie in. This time he connected their lips.