Fall Part 1: Let Him Go

It Was Me

I am not planning on seeing James today. Grandma has just arrived from her trip and she just invited James to see us.

"I just can give James this things Grandma" I persuaded her but she insists to give this things to him and he wanna see him.

The odd is not really in favor with me. The doorbell rang and I knew it was him. I slowly open the door to see him smiling. Something's change. I know because I know him, who he really is. Robert. He came in and give grandma a hug.

"How's you're summer without me?" OH OH, she should never know what we've been through. James looks at me and was about to tell grandma when I come into play.

"Well, it is absolutely good. We do things we usually do." I fake a smile and looked at him.

"We actually went to somewhere." Shoot, if my eyes can kill, he is seriously dead right now.

"Really? Where?" this is going deeper as it shouldn't.

"In his place. Umm, his home. Yeah we went there. But his parents are not around." I swallowed hardly.

"Oh that's great. I'm looking forward on meeting your parents."

"No" I wss very embarassed right now. Did I say it too obvious? "I mean you can't right. They're gone right. Maybe next time." I draggd James. "Actually we really need to go right now. James promised me to show some incredible places here. Right dude?" I pleaded him and thanks God he didn't complain.

"Thanks Grandma for this." he saluted to her. And we went outside.

"Sorry out there. Umm, where do you wanna go?" I asked him as we were walking on the street.

"Actually I wanna have some tequila." WHAT?

" Are you insane? We got drunk because of that stupid kind of drinks and Grandma is here and you wanna get drunk again? You are unbelievable." I shake my head and he was laughing.

"Seriously, I need some drinks but maybe not tequila, a beer can be. Look I know some place." he dragged me. We stopped in a convinience store to buy some beer.

I was surprised when he took me in a beach, again.

"Can I ask you something?" We've taken lot of beers now, but not too bad.

"What?" he takes some beer and looked at me.

"Why are you always taking me in a beach?" I was afraid what he might say that time. Please tell me James.

He laughed and got serious. "Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a boy named Robert and he has a best friend whose name's like yours. They were too perfect and happy and they promised that they would always by each other's side. But Chanel left the poor Robert as he waited her on their meeting place. He never see her again and hope he would never." my tears are falling rapidly as I hear his story, our story. "Robert is so sad when she left. He lost  everything. His life. Right then he never make friends with anybody, he never talked, he felt alone. And empty." I know he hated the girl in his story. And It was me.

"Back then, I promised myself, I would never do the same thing like she deed." he suddenly break into tears. I hugged him tightly as my tears are falling down to my cheeks.

"Sorry" I whispered softly. I wish I can bring back the past. I wish I can go back. I don't know how to say words to him.

"Is that why you hate calling me Chanel?" I asked him. Now I would know.

"Yes. Cause every time I hear her name, I can feel pain again. And I hated it. I wish she died, or she got sick and die or she waa kidnapped  or worse abducted by an alien. I hated her. I don't wanna see her ever again." I was controlling my fist. It hurts. I am the one he's talking about but he didn't know it was me. What if he finds out?

We break hugs and he slowly leaned and touches my lips. I push him hard and keep distance. What just happened.

"I think we really need to go. It's getting late and we had too much." I walked away and I heard footsteps from behind. I know it was him.

"About--"

"Thank you. Good night dude." I hurriedly went outside. What was happening? This was never my plan. You can't fall in love with him Chanel. Not because he was you best friend but because he was him, the boy you have left and he hated you.

He hated me. I cried and sobbed. I walk slowly so grandma won't notice me but I was too late, she was waiting for me.

"Why are you crying? Why did you interrupt me when I told him I wanna see his parents? Why are you lying to me? What happened Chanel?" Jeez grandma.

"He hated me. That's what happened. He was Robert, my best friend from Paris. The one I've left and now I know he hated Chanel not knowing it was me whom he hated." she hugged me tightly. I sobbed. I don't know what to feel. Am I  gonna bve happy cause I think we felt something or sad cause if he would know, he would stay away from me?

I don't know what to do.

"What are you into Chanel. Hush." I know she was trying to ease the pain I am feeling.

"What am I gonna do?" I asked her.

"I don't know Chanel, I don't know. Just be ready." she told me and the words blow my mind. "One day, he would be gone and I have to let him go."

Can I do that?