Izwile(on hold)

chapter 6

Izwile's POV

My life. I am tired and I'm all alone. I can remove the guilt I feel every time I look at my little girl. I just wonder if life would have been like if I hadn't left her with my uncle. She was almost raped but that doesn't remove the fact that he did other things. It's my fault and I can't seem to remove that guilt. KB and I blamed ourselves and we still do. He was also shocked to find out that she still has those dreams. And it's about 6 pm Nosi is taking a nap.

"I think we should find another therapist maybe or something." KB says
"I don't know. Like she'll have to share that story over and over again to another person." I say looking at the ceiling.
"I have to live with the fact that I failed her. I failed her KB. Am I that much of a failure that I trusted...." I sobbing and he pulls me to his chest
"You didn't fail her. You are not the one who molested her. You've been a great mother to this girl and she knows she can trust you with anything." He says but deep down I still think I would have done something.
"I...I." I am interrupted by a phone call.
"It's Smiso" KB says
"I can answer it if you don't want to talk to him right now." He looks at me and I nod and be puts it on speaker.

Smiso: sthandwa Sam

KB: umm it's not her. It's me KB.

Smiso: what's wrong with MaDlomo

KB: she's umm not ok right now. She cannot come to the phone..

Smiso: what..? What's wrong with my girl KB. Is it the princess

KB: umm she'll call you when she feels right now

Smiso: ok can you give her the phone I can hear her sniffing KB what the fuck is wrong with my girl?!

"Friend I think you need to talk to him he's going cray Cray" he says covering the speaker.
"Ok um give me the phone" I say taking a huge breathe

Me: ba..babe

Smiso: MaDlomo baby yini kwenzekalani mama tell me?

Me: nothing you need to worry your self about Smiso I'm fine.

Smiso: baby you are not fine. I know for sure that you are crying right now. Tjela mina mama yini kwenzekalani.

Me: baby it's....

Smiso: MaDlomo! Ngithe khulima kwenzekalani?!

Me: um it's just umm cramps.

Smiso: I hope you know you can't lie to me. I'll leave you for now so that you can come down but you'll tell me what's bothering my queen. Siyezwana.

Me: fine... Um we'll talk later.

Smiso: ngyakuthanda yezwa mama.

Me: yeah me too.

I say and he drops the call and I just sob. I cant tell him what's bothering me. It's too soon. KB just hugs me and I just lay it out. I feel like I need to cry because that's all I can do in this situation.

"I'll be going back to work next week so I need to spend the weekend indoors and umm do something fun with her before she goes to school." I say wiping my tears.
"Let me go and was my face I'll be back"
I say going to the bathroom. I was my face and return to the bedroom.
"How about we Oder in I don't think you are in the right state of mind to cook" he says worry written all over his face.
"No I'll cook you know cooking is kind of therapy for me" I say and he nods and we go downstairs.

We are done cooking and eating. Nosi is I don't even have the right word to describe it.now we are watching the SpongeBob movie in the movie room. And I'm watching her. My phone vibrates and it's a text.

I know something is wrong. I am your man baby girl. You can't hide things for me.ill be there in the morning, let me play my role as your man baby. I won't force you. Lastly the person who made you cry had better pray I don't get to them.

It's Smiso I can hold the blush that forms in my face. That man was made just for me.i don't think I have to tell him.

Me: Thank you Dlamini

After a few seconds he texts back.

Him: I miss you baby. Can't you be my wife already.

Me: umm Mr Dlamini what are you trying to say???

Him: exactly that mama ngifuna ube ngumkami mama. I don't want to play games.

Me:umm......are you sure??

Him: I'm coming over tomorrow I want us to talk ok. Just the two of us.

Me: ohk babe

Him: I want to grab that ass damn mami

Me: behave tuu

Him: ok mami I'll see you tomorrow ok

Well what's happening but anyway even if he says I must marry him now I would. I think I already love him.

"Mom I'm going to sleep now. Plus I have to prepare for school."
I kiss her forehead and she leaves.
"I'm still questioning our decision of enrolling her in a girls school." KB says
"Why are you saying that?"
"I mean we how long is she going to live with this fear of man. Plus there's no girls university." He says and it's true but it's also my fear.
"I guess it's fear for the unknown. I can't stomach the thought of someone touching her again." I say.
"Me too hey, I mean I even look at her tracker sometimes to make sure she's ok." He says. And we stay quite for a while

"Anyway I forgot to tell you something." He says smiling. Looking at his nails.
"Ok shoot" I say eager to know.
"Well...you know Musa The CEO and founder of Zulu Holdings." He asks
"Yeah I do..why."he looks down eyeing his nails again.
"Wait.... You slept with him didn't you" I say covering my mouth eyes popping out.
"Girl guy can make you scream like a mad man. His kisses..."
"I though he was straight even though he was never seen with a woman before."I say. I get it now he is GAY....
"Well we've been seeing each other for 3 weeks now and we've finally made it official and he made sweet love to me friend." He says blushing and doing the thing with the nails.
"Omg are you serious friend I'm so happy for you vah. Omg umjolo Jesu" I say and we laugh.
"Do you like him" I ask him
"Like? Like? Girl we've been seeing each other for 3 weeks but I've known him for like a year now. I don't like him I love him." He says with his high pitched voice.and I laugh.
"Speaking of love. do you love Mr handsome." Yeah he calls him Mr handsome.imagine the audacity.
"Yes friend and I'm uh finally thinking of giving him the cookie."
"Wait... Are you sure I mean it's only been a week of knowing him. If that's what you want. FINALLY I thought you were going to die a virgin" He says laughing.I received a text from you know who.

Good night my angel

I didn't even open it and the fool next to me is laughing his ass off.
"Umjolo Jesu thuma mina baba udlisiwe lobhuti" he says and we laugh.

*****************************************

Please vote, share and comment. It'll mean a lot to me!!!