Izwile(on hold)

Chapter 22

Nosi's POV

I'm so stupid. Of course I was hurt that my BestFriend didn't tell me that she was dating my brother. I should've known better than to run to an unknown park.

The person infront of the mirror isn't me. She looks like a thing men like to take an advantage off. A person worth nothing but being molested by men. I mean even men outside of my country can smell that Im someone to rape.

"No, you are a beautiful being worth being loved, appreciated and  cherished....love." wait did I say that out laud or...love... only Lubanzi calls me that. I don't look at him but I see him slowly approaching me through the mirrors reflection. He stands just inches behind me.

"Are you ready to talk now....and please no excuses." The tone in his voice is yohhhh. I can't help but let the fall. He doesn't know how damaged I am. How unworthy I am. How can a boy like him love an insignificant girl like me.

"We don't hav-" he interrupts me.
"We have to and we must. So please I don't care if we have to do it in a different language but we're talking today and now." He says seriously.

I'm afraid of being judged. Of revealing my self to anyone. I. Not good enough. I hardly even open up to my mom so how would I feel opening up to my crush.

He takes my hand and leads me to the couch. I wonder where is my brother he could do a lot of saving right now.

"Ntokazi siyakhuluma manje mina nawe. I won't judge you or even do anything you won't like. I just want to understand you. I want you to let me in and for you to see that you're more than the air I breathe." He says taking my hands into his.

"Lubanzi it's not easy" I say trying so hard not to release any sob.

"But it's not impossible baby trust me please." He says looking at me. I can see frustration in his eyes I don't blame him believe me I would too.

"I'm scared." I say and he sighs.

"Of what?" Now that's a straight question.

"Of um how you're gonna see me after. Lubanzi I am fine with how things are." I say removing my hands from his hold.

"You know ntokazi no one is perfect. Not even me. So I'm not going to crucify you." He say. I can tell he's drained.

"It's just-"

"It's just what? Huh what. What is it that's keeping you from being loved like you deserve. What's so bad that you can't allow yourself to be happy WHAT IS IT-"

"THIS WASNT THE ONLY TIME I WAS VIOLATED DAMN IT LUBANZI"  I shout standing up.i've had it. I don't know where the anger comes from but it's there. The hurt, sadness confusion.

"THAT WASNT THE SAME TIME A MAN TOUCHED ME. MADE ME FEEL LESS OF A WOMAN. UNDRESSED ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT......YOU WANNA KNOW THE TRUTH WELL HERE IT IS LUBANZI.
IM SCARED OF DATING BECAUSE I KNOW MY PARTNER WON'T LOVE ME FULLY. WHAT IF HE TOO DOES THE SAME THING TO ME. IM SCARED I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, ITS A MIRACLE IM STILL A VIRGIN."

I say looking at him. He's so expressionless. He face doesn't show Any emotion.

"I'm scared ok I'm scared. I don't deserve your love Lubanzi I don't." I say then sit down on the bed. I'm drained. Scared I want to go home. I miss mom I need to go home.

"You deserve my love and more. You deserve to be worshipped and loved baby. Umuhle ntokazi I just don't know why you can't see that." he comes and kneels infront of me with one knee.

"Baby I want to love you fully. Like you're the only girl in the world because for me you are. I've liked you from the first day I saw you that day I gave you my number and you didn't call me. I was like ok what now. Only to find out you're my best friends sister. YOU were meant to be mine baby don't you get it. I want to cherish your scars and make you cry tears of joy. Please never see yourself as not good enough because you are. I know we're still teenagers but ngizobazisa ekhaya ngiyfumene ingilozi yam. Ubambo lwami. Umawenganezami." He says and he kisses me. I didn't see that coming. I couldn't help but to melt in the kiss. I know he knows he's the first guy I've ever kissed. I just follow his lead. Maybe I'm wrong but I know I don't deserve him.