Some Things Cannot Be Fixed, They Can Only Be Carried

Chapter 3) Love; A Terrible Feeling of Helplessness

"What a terrible feeling to love someone and not be able to help them."

- Jennifer Niven

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August 30th 2013

I don't know what's good and what's bad news anymore. I have no clue whether I should be happy that mom was talking to Haruka's mom on the phone yesterday. I don't know if I should be relieved or worried that they're on their way back to Iwatobi to see their son.

It's mainly because I don't know how they'll react; to me Haruka's a friend, a dear one, but we're not related by blood. To them, it's their son, their little baby who's not like himself anymore.

I'm scared of their reaction, deep down. Because I cannot even imagine how my mother would reply if something like this were to happen to me; she'd be heartbroken, maybe even worse than that.

I feel how Haruka's hand it squeezing mine tightly and I wonder if he somehow knows something freaky is going to happen today. Maybe he's subconsciously very nervous too.

I watch him as his eyes shoot around the room. Even when his expression is just as lifeless as it has been over the past couple of days, he looks rather distressed somehow.

"No need to worry," I tell him, but I'm rather talking to myself.

Because I'm a little stressed out and nervous myself, I start to distract myself by doing things to prepare Haruka for his parents' arrival. For instance, I make sure to nicely tuck him underneath his blanket. And I wash the skin around his mouth with a damp towel, because it was covered with saliva. And when I think I'm all done, I suddenly feel like Haruka's bangs are not combed well enough. So I brush them with my fingers so they'll look nice once his parents drop in.

I take a last look at Haruka; I tried my best to make him look decent for his parents, because I don't want their first time seeing him being the same like it was when I did.

And just as I lower my hand again, deciding that Haruka is ready, I hear voices on the other side of the door. "I have to warn you," Hiroshi's voice sounds calm, almost too calm for a situation like this one. "Your son probably won't be like last time you saw him."

I take a deep breath and pat Haruka on his upper leg. "Good luck," I whisper to Haruka, even though I know he probably can't hear me, before I get on my feet.

I stand there, with my heart throbbing in my chest, waiting for them to come inside. I feel like I'll be the doctor who's going to have to tell Haruka's parents what happened to their son. While all I have to do is stand by, maybe hand them a box of tissues, and watch.

And when the door opens, my heart seems to stop for a split second.

Hiroshi walks inside, followed on the foot by Haruka's parents.

It's strange to see them after such a long time, and I sure Haruka would think the same if he saw them now.

Haruka's father looks stern, as always, like he's holding back any emotions that he might have. Haruka's mother, on the other hand, starts crying the second she lays eyes upon her son. She runs straight past me to get to Haruka, immediately laying her hands on his cheeks. "Oh, Haruka," she whispers, stroking Haruka's cheeks with her fingers. "Talk to me, please. Tell me you're okay."

Hiroshi stands by and watches as Haruka's father embraces his wife and snaps his fingers in front of Haruka's face. "Come on, boy, your mother asked you something" he mutters, sounding a little worried at least. "Snap out of it."