Some Things Cannot Be Fixed, They Can Only Be Carried

Chapter 10) Feelings; There's Not Enough Room

"You are carrying so many heavy feelings. There just isn't enough room for them all."

- Kathleen Glasgow

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April 8th 2014

I hurry down the street, panting heavily as I wheel Haruka over the bumpy sidewalks of Iwatobi Town. I'm taking Haruka with me to the grocery store for the very first time. I've been putting it off, only doing quick groceries during Haruka's checkups, but since we've gone from weekly checkups to monthly ones, I now have to go to the shop on days that Haruka is home.

I didn't plan on going today, neither did I plan to take Haruka. I just wanted to ask mom if she could look after Haruka for half an hour while I got my groceries, but then I found out, that I had nothing left to eat anymore. I have not been able to make dinner for myself tonight, and the shop is going to close in just an hour, so I had to make it quick. So, I got Haruka buckled up in his wheelchair, grabbed two plastic bags and started running to the grocery store closest to our house.

And that's where I am now; out of breath, jogging down the sidewalks and towards the grocery store. My heart throbbing heavily in my chest from both exhaustion and the anxiety of having to go into a crowded store with Haruka. How am I ever going to fit him through all those narrow alleys?

It makes me all nervous, especially when I walk into the cooled down store and see how crowded it is inside. I guess it wasn't only me who decided to run their groceries at the very last moment.

I sigh. "Sorry Haruka— "I lay my hand on Haruka's shoulder briefly. I'm apologizing because if I know two things about Haruka, it's that he doesn't like crowded places and certainly wouldn't want to be seen by half of Iwatobi's population like he is now. "—but we're going to have to do this."

After that, we head inside, ready to climb the hurdle of shopping.

At first everything seems to go fine; people are nice enough to move over whenever I need to fit through with Haruka's humongous wheelchair. But when I'm standing in the aisle with the frozen products, struggling with the doors because it's difficult to accomplish without having Haruka block the other doors of the fridge. It's terribly awkward standing there, trying to get the door to carefully squeeze past Haruka's wheelchair and then, I have to lean all the way over him to get my food too.

When I look up, I can see people staring at us. People are giving me glances, like "what's wrong with you" and "don't you know how to shop". But it's a random woman with a child, whose glare hits me the most; she's clearly waiting for me to leave so she can get her dairy products, but she doesn't do it in the most polite way. She's staring at Haruka, with stern eyes and her mouth pressed into a firm line. And when I pass her on my way to the next aisle, I can hear her child asking about Haruka.

It's a child, nothing wrong with it; they're bound to ask questions when they see something out of the ordinary. So I'm not shocked when the child asks, "What's wrong with that boy" and states that Haruka looks pretty strange to her.

It's rather her mom's reaction I consider unacceptable. She tells her child not to pay attention to Haruka, that he was probably born like that. But I can hear in her tone, and the way her eyes meet mine, that she's telling me, "You should've just let him die" without saying the words out loud.

I frown and lower my gaze as I push past her.

Her carelessness of talking so loudly, when Haruka and I were near her, makes me feel anxious for the entire time I'm shopping with Haruka. I can feel people's eyes burning in my back, I can hear their thoughts echoing through my mind. They're thinking about how I'm torturing Haruka this way, how I'm the bad guy, and how it's a sin that the both of us are even showing up outside like this.