Some Things Cannot Be Fixed, They Can Only Be Carried

Chapter 17) True Friend; They Feel You And They Free You

"A true friend knows your weaknesses, but shows you your strengths.
Feels your fears, but fortifies your faith.
Sees your anxieties, but frees your spirit.

Recognizes your disabilities, but emphasizes your possibilities."

- William Arthur Ward

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December 31st 2014

If you had asked me last New Year's Eve what I expect from the following year, I would've told you I was prepared for suffering. Back then, my world was still dark and gloomy. Honestly, I didn't even know what to expect from the future other than having to take care of Haruka. But now that's completely different.

This New Year I feel like there's a bright future ahead of me. Even though Haruka's not himself right now, and we both know he will never fully return to being his former self. My life won't go back to normal either, but somehow that's fine with me. I'm living the life I have, I got my best friend beside me, and in all honesty, that's the most important to me. I actually feel like I have a future now.

Anyway, a lot has changed over the past year. And with a lot, I mean a lot.

Haruka's gone further down into the pits of unconsciousness, but managed to slowly come out of it again. His life has been hanging by a thread, one I have to keep a close eye on; we have to do everything to help him get better, and to keep him from falling back into the place he was before.

Even over the past months Haruka has been changing, and slowly but surely starts to seem more like himself again. He's not learning how to talk or walk just yet, and Hiroshi says he might never do either of those again, but he's as healthy as he can be right now, and he's making quite the recovery.

Haruka's swiftly learning how to swallow properly, it's going great. Last week we have debated whether Haruka's trach tube should be removed, so he can start practicing eating and talking now that it seems like he's breezing through his Minimally Conscious State. Sure, he's not fully conscious. It would be unthinkable if he already was after just four months; it might take years until he's completely conscious and back to his old self again. It might even never happen.

I know one thing for sure though, and that's the slow return of my and Haruka's bond, which is a surprise, since I thought it'd be long gone by now. Somewhere deep down, I was convinced that this experience had changed Haruka's personality so drastically, that the strong bond we've had since our childhood, would have disappeared. But here I can feel it again.

And somewhere I feel like Nagisa, Rei, Gou and Rin also feel more comfortable around Haruka, now that some time has passed. This makes everything easier for us; when there's an opportunity to see each other we can just do that without everyone being hesitant because of Haruka. We've seen each other once or twice since the dinner about a month ago, and I felt it getting less uncomfortable each time.

I actually wanted to meet up tonight to celebrate New Year's Eve together, but that wasn't possible.

Rei and Nagisa would be spending New Year's Eve together as a couple, and Rin and Gou are spending it with their mother. So it's just Haruka and me for today, and honestly, I'm perfectly content with that. Actually, I couldn't be happier that I can spend New Year's Eve with him and not feel lonely when it's just the two of us. That's a blessing in itself.

That's why I try to make today a special day; not just taking care of Haruka and taking him through his routine and therapy. Instead, I take him outside later in the afternoon, to go to the closest shrine; we went today, because it's even more crowded on the first few days of a new year. Unfortunately, it appears many people had the same idea, because it's so crowded that I can barely get Haruka past everyone. On the upside though, we can't go up all the way anyway and that's the busiest part of the shrine; we just stand at the base and pay our respects.