Better Than Onions

CHAPTER 9

I throw my arms around Chris, pulling him into a big hug.

Chris hugs me back, his chestnut moustache tickling my cheek, and I breathe in his manly scent of cheese.

I missed that smell, I think to myself. His arms are strong and muscular around my waist, holding me to his chest as if he never wants to let go.

There's a small cough behind me. I've forgotten completely about Shrek. A part of me feels embarrassed for practically throwing myself on some random guy in front of him, but another part of me doesn't care. I want to stay wrapped in Chris' strong arms, his tight embrace, his cheesy smell until I grow old and die.

Then two strong hands yank me from behind, and suddenly I'm pulled against a completely different chest. Shrek smells of onions, and although I'm annoyed that he's yanked me away from our reunion, I can't help but notice that Shrek's chest is much harder, and more muscular than Chris'. His abs poke in to my face, and his all the muscles are strained and visible in his arms from the effort of keeping me close.

"Who the hell are you?" SHREK DEMANDS.

"I am Chris. Now let go of her, you overgrown broccoli"

"Overgrown broccoli? Is that the best you can do, dwarf?"

I purse my lips together, trying not to laugh. It's true that Chris is quite short for a boy. He is only 150 cm, whereas Shrek is 590 cm. However they both tower over me, as I am only 98 cm tall. I'm really short but I guess its just because I'm not like other girls.

Suddenly, Shrek pushes me aside, and he charges at Chris. I gasp, horrified, as Chris goes flying back and crashes through the bathroom window. I can hear him scream as he hits the floor.

That was kind of hot. I think, smiling.

Then reality hits me. Shrek has probably just killed my best friend and secret crush and I think it's hot? What is wrong with me?

"SHREK! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" I scream, punching his chest.

Of coutse, my punches have no effect on his rock hard abs. Annoyed, I push him away.

I reach the door, but then I stop, and turn back. Hate, anger and fury are clouding my senses, replacing my ability to think straight.

"I hate you" I hiss at him.

He flinches, but he doesn't look surprised. This only annoys me more.

"I really do, Shrek. Ever since I arrived here, all you've done is make my life miserable, and for what?" I blink back tears and laugh harshly. "What have I ever done to you, Shrek? What have I done to make you hate me?"

I wait for his answer, but he just stares at me, his eyes black and unreadable in the darkness of the night.

"Forget it" I shake my head. "Have fun with your life Shrek, because I won't be a part of it anymore"

I slam the door behind me.

***

"Well" I slump down into my seat in the classroom, beside Dumbledore. "That was a complete failure"

He smiles sympathetically at me as I slam my face onto my desk and groan loudly. Another drawback of my late night 'adventure' - it makes you exhausted.

"Shrek caught me" I say, my voice muffled in the desk. "And Snape randomly disappeared midway"

I pick my head up, searching the classroom. "Where is Snape anyway?"