Better Than Onions

Chapter 10

A/N the photo is Chris😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

Edward does not seem to take my theory seriously.

After excitedly filling him in with everything that happened (avoiding the part where me and Shrek were partners), he just looks at me and laughs.

"What?" I snap,feeling slightly annoyed "Why are you laughing?"

"Because that's completely stupid" he says. "There's no way Fiona is Donald Trump's-"

He doesn't even finish the sentence because he's laughing so hard.

I sit back in my chair, frowning. I don't like being laughed at. Especially when I think I've just had a ground-breaking idea.

"No, listen, it makes sense-"

"Edward how did it go yesterday?" Dumbledow interrupts. "You know, with-"

The things that happen next are so quick and small that if I had blinked I would have missed it all. Edward gives a tiny shake of his head and they both look at me nervously. Dumbledore suddenly stops talking and starts eating his lemon pizza very quickly. I frown.

They're hiding something. My best friends are hiding something from me.

"What was that?" I ask Dumbledore. "How did what go?"

Dumbledore stares down at his food, his cheeks bright red.

"Edward? What are you not telling me?"

Edward completely ignores me, glaring angrily at Dumbledore.

"Hello? Why is everyone ignoring me?"

"Julia" Edwards voice is so low that it's almost a growl. "Don't mess with things you don't know about"

Is that a threat? I sit there stunned for what seems like ages and then I jump up with my tray angrily.

"Fine. If I'm not wanted here, I'll go sit somewhere else" I hiss.

I spot Snape sitting a few seats away from Fiona, staring at her lovingly.

Better than nothing. I think. Sighing, I make my way over to him.

"Hi Julia" Snape whispers as I sit beside him. "Shhh don't scare her off"

"She's not a wild animal, Snape"

"Shhh!" He places a finger on my lips. Then he says, "I made good progress yesterday actually. Guess what, I-"

"Is that where you were?" I say furiously. "When you were supposed to be with me?"

He looks guiltily at me. "No listen-"

"No! I don't want to hear about how Fiona stared at you for 0.000001 seconds yesterday" I say irritably.

Sighing, I bend down to look through my bag for my timetable, and my hand closes around a small bottle. My plan comes flooding back. In History, after Shrek's surprising act of niceness, I had decided not to play the prank. But right now I'm so annoyed with Edward and Dumbkedore for being the Worst Friends Ever that I don't care whether Shrek has been nice or not. I need something to laugh at. Or someone.

I smile sweetly at Snape, who blinks at me in surprise.

"You know what Snape? I actually have just the thing to make Fiona fall in love with you"

Snape frowns. "Really?"

"Yeah! Look" I show him the bottle. Snape peers closer.

"Soap" he says. "Wow"

"Not just any soap!" I wave it vigorously in front of his face. "The best soap in the world. If you use this soap, your skin will be the best in the world. And Fiona hates her skin, so she'll love it"

"Does she?" sNape asks.

"Yes! I heard her a few weeks ago complaining in the bathroom. If you give this to her, she'll definitely fall in love with you"

Snape stares at me. Then he stares down at the soap.

"I don't believe you" he says.

I sigh. "Fine. I wasn't going to tell you, but I guess I'll have to"

I pause dramatically. "This soap... is a love potion"

Snape's eyes widen. "A love potion?"

I nod eagerly. Snape grabs it from my hands.

"Thanks Julia!" He grind and then he runs off.

Satisfied, I grin and congratulate myself quietly. I wasn't lying when I said there was soap in the bottle. There is. But I was lying when I said it was a love potion. And I also 'forgot' to mention the blue dye in the bottle that will turn skin blue.

Knowing Snape, he will probably do something creepy, like try to squirt the soap  in Fiona's face. Fiona will then probably get annoyed and grab the bottle, probably telling him to go away. The plan could then go two ways: 1. Fiona uses the soap and comes into school with blue skin tomorrow or, 2. If Snape tells her about the love potion inside, she'll give it to Shrek, which is even better because first, I get to see Shrek humiliated with blue skin tomorrow, and second, Shrek will be so annoyed at Fiona that she'll finally leave him alone.

Not that I care where she leaves him alone or not...