Midnight Garden of Words

| courage |

The first time I tried

no one warned me

nor did I brace myself for what could happen next.

I failed.

Something shattered inside me

how did I go so wrong?

It wasn't that hard

I've seen people pass with flying colours

some on their first attempt and others on their fourth

but every mistake replayed in my head

reminding how easy it would've been

if I had just done it right.

I managed to muster up some courage

and tried again not too long after

but I did it again.

Disappointment

failure

the breaking of not only my heart

but every amount of confidence

hope

courage

and faith I gathered with effort.

I couldn't try for the third time

at least not so soon

for I knew

one more failure would snatch my sanity.

Weeks after weeks

months after months

I either avoided building my confidence

or went wrong during practice days.

It's been over a year since my second attempt

and after what seemed like countless

comparisons to those who've succeeded

pep talks at home

dreams of being able to celebrate once I pass

assurance that failure doesn't mean the end of the world

and the realization that it must be now and not later

I'm giving it another try.