ℕ𝕠𝕥 𝔾𝕒𝕪(ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕙𝕦𝕟)

Chapter 21

Almost like a siren piercing into his ear drums, everything turned numb for Sehun as the only thing that was in his mind was to make an escape, make an escape away from this school.

He stood up and ran out as fast as he could, as he reached the school hallways, he tripped and fell on the ground, a crowd of students gathered around, he could hear them mumbling things which he knew was best if he did not know what they were trying to say.

'Gay fag disgusting' were the words that lingered in his ear, everything almost felt numb when someone kicked him harshly in the guts, Sehun was used to it.

Used to being beaten up, used to being insulted, used to being reminded what a loser he was.

He made his way out of the crowd and finally out of the school, he ran, he did not care if people were looking at him or giving him strange stares, he just wanted to run away, from everything.

His feet took him to a lonely isolated park and he collapsed under a giant tree, then he broke down.

Thousands of thoughts blurred his mind and he finally let it all out as a loud sob escape his mouth.

Don't you ever feel like you're numb to the pain you bear? And everything feels empty? And just wish you could disappear into thin air, and never ever exist anymore? The pain you feel when you are tired, not tired of school, or friends or family but yourself? The feeling of emptiness you feel and like there is nothing you can do about the emptiness you feel? Wish you could at least have someone to miss and wish they were there to lend you a shoulder to lean on, even for a moment?
When you can no longer love who you are because everyone else makes sure you know what a disgusting piece of trash you are? That you will never achieve anything in life? That you are inferior to everyone and that you are hopeless.

You want to scream your pain away but you lost your voice, the feeling of being scared to die but is too tired to live further?

That's exactly how Sehun felt, not even a tear escaped his eyes, he felt broken, hurt, betrayed and useless.

'Why did I have to be born like this?'
he asked to utterly nobody, he had no one. Nobody loved him, he was just a disappointment to everyone around him.

Sehun lays down on the grass, only the chilly afternoon wind keeping his lonely self company.

After almost laying there for hours he stood up, cleaned his clothes and looked around, the park was abandoned and had an eerie atmosphere with broken benches, dead plants  overgrown grass, a fountain with no water and no one at sight, to anyone else it would be a creepy sight but to Sehun he found it beautiful, a beautiful mess, lonely, broken and isolated, that's how he felt excluding the word 'beautiful'

Sehun has always hated how he looked, he was scrawny and weak and fragile, his sensitive skin made even scratch appear like a painful wound.

He had not even got his backpack which he had left at school, but just the thought of going back to school made him sick to his stomach.

He headed out of the park, and walked home, when he entered the apartment he was welcomed by utter silence, sometimes he wished his mom was still alive, whenever Sehun felt sad she would always make him rest his head on her lap as she played with his hair uttering comforting words making him feel safe, but she was gone, and it was his fault, it was his fault that the person who he had loved and treasured was gone.

Almost like all the blood in his body had been sucked out Sehun turned pale and weak, he had not even eaten anything today, his weak legs however managed to carry him to his room, making him fall on the ground.

A tear rolled down cheeks as he stared at his room, his thoughts wandered to Chanyeol, I was just a target from be beginning right? He never cared about me, I was being dilusional, he's the same as the others.

He hated himself for using his heart to decide again, how could he trust Chanyeol so much when he had been betrayed so many people? He should have been wiser.

But he always felt like Chanyeol was different, the way the taller would hug him to comfort him, or smile at him, he had always found comfort in the taller's presence, but everything just fell down and broke, like a sudden storm on a beautiful sunny day, destroying every flower in a garden which was once blooming with beautiful flowers.

He stood up and picked a blade from his drawer then lifted his sleeves up,
the scars from his previous cuts were yet to heal but he could care less about it anymore.

He closed his eyes as he made his first cut, not like anyone would even care if he died. Another cut, then another, then another, until he lossed too much blood and fell on the cold floor.

Sehun opened his eyes to the sound of Taehyung calling him outside, he managed to stand up, quickly wipping off the blood on the carpet and putting on a jacket he faked a smile and walked out.

"Hyung" Taehyung smiled brightly at him, hugging Sehun as though they had not met for years, "Let's have dinner" Taehyung said and held Sehun's  hand as they made their way to the dining room, Suho was busy putting on the table and Luhan was just in a corner with his files, while their dad was watching TV, no one paid any attention to him, to his tired red eyes or weak body.

Sehun sat on the table and dinner was served, his hands began to tremble and he could hardly hold the chopsticks, but he tried his best to hide it.

"Hyung are you cold?" Taehyung asked, catching everyone's attention making them look at Sehun, "You're trembling" the small boy said, concern in his eyes, Sehun almost wanted to tear up, maybe there was still someone who cared about him, his little brother.

Covering his pain with a smile, he just patted the small boy's  head, "I'm fine, don't worry" he lied.