This Is Me

2

TW's:
-Mentions homophobia

George's POV

I was looking in my wardrobe and grabbed a box from under it. I had a free period the first hour so I didn't have to go to school yet. Instead, I opened the box and smiled as I looked at the dresses.

To be fair, I loved dressing up a bit more feminine. I loved doing makeup just as much as I liked high heels. As soon as I was alone, I wore dresses and felt beautiful in them. I felt more confident when I wore a dress, but I still liked just some simple sweats and a hoodie too from time to time.

I grabbed my favourite blue dress and dressed up in it, standing in front of the mirror as I did my makeup. No one knew I did this, no one knew that I was gay and let me just have the most homophobic guy as my best friend.

My best friend was Clay, someone who openly showed everyone how much he hated everything that had to do with being gay. His dads were gay and he hated them, he had often told me that. I never really replied with much, but I acted like I agreed with him so I wouldn't out myself.

I had liked some boys in the past, I had this one crush on a boy and he liked me back. We never really had anything together, but I knew for sure I was gay after that.

A year back I figured out that I was gender fluid. At some points I felt like a boy, but when I dressed up like this, I felt more like a girl or non-binary. I always went by he/they pronouns, with some days more of a preference for he/him and the other day more for they/them.

No one knew that though, but it was still something I would have loved people to respect. At the moments that I dressed up like this, I liked any pronouns, although I preferred she/they the most when I was dressed up like this.

I was sometimes ashamed of myself, I didn't know anyone who liked dresses as a boy. I never saw anyone wear makeup as a boy and I loved it. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. I felt so beautiful in a dress and it made me so happy.

I wished to show someone my newest dress, I felt very beautiful in it. My parents had no idea, my brother didn't know, just as my younger sister also didn't. I was decently close with my brother and hoped he would figure it out someday.

I had once left the box in my room when he came in, but he didn't look at it. I didn't know how to tell him that I loved makeup and dresses, so I just wanted him to figure it out. I was sure he would be okay with it and maybe I could show him my dresses once.

My brother was two years older than me, making him nineteen as I was seventeen. He always stood up for me, he was always nice to me and we talked about a lot. He trusted me with everything and I tried my best to help him with whatever was going on in his life.

My younger sister would find it amazing if she saw me in a dress, but I didn't want her to tell mum and dad. They would probably be okay with it as well, but I wanted to tell my brother first.

I suddenly heard someone knock on my door and I got startled. 'Uh- who is there?'

'It's me,' the voice of my brother said.

I doubted for a second, I could let him in and figure it out now. I was really scared and my hands were shaking as I started talking again.

'Uh- come in quickly, but don't laugh at me.'

The door opened and my brother quickly closed it, looking up at me. His face filled with a smile. 'Oh my goodness, you look gorgeous.'

I smiled shyly and my brother looked at my dress. 'Show me, turn around.'

I turned around and showed him my dress. He couldn't stop smiling and grabbed my hand. 'Do you do this often?'

I nodded shyly and looked at my hands, not knowing what to say. My brother smiled and rubbed my hand. 'Clothing has no gender, George. You can wear a dress if you want and you can wear makeup if you want. Can I ask you something?'

I nodded.

'I know clothing doesn't have a gender as I just said, but do you maybe feel more like a girl?'

I shrugged. 'Sometimes. I uh- I'm gender fluid.'

'Really? That's cool! How can I notice when you feel a different gender?'

'When I go to school I feel like a boy and sometimes non-binary. When I dress up like this I feel more non-binary or a girl.'

'And do you then also like boys or not? I don't mean this in a wrong way at all, I'm just genuinely wondering.'

I blushed a little and looked up slowly. 'I uh- I only like boys.'

My brother smiled and hugged me tightly. 'You're beautiful, do you feel beautiful?'

'I do,' I whispered. 'I feel really beautiful with a dress and makeup.'

'That's because you are.'

He let go of me to look at me once more and smiled. 'I'm so proud that you're my sibling, which pronouns and things like that do you prefer?'

'At the moment I prefer either she or they.'

'You're my gorgeous sister, brother and sibling at all times. Whatever you prefer, whatever you feel like, you're beautiful. I'm so proud of you.'

'And you?'

My brother shrugged. 'I'm trying to figure things out. I don't feel like I fit with straight, but I do like being a boy.'

'Are you unlabelled or do you have a preference for something?'

'I'm unlabelled and I'm thinking about being either bi, pan or omnisexual.'

I smiled as I pulled him into a tight hug. 'I'm always proud of you too.'

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