This Is Me

13

TW's:
-Homophobia (F-slur)
-Slight abuse
-Bullying

Clay's POV

I was sitting on my bed as I cried softly. I didn't know what to do anymore. I hated myself for what I had done and deep inside, I didn't mind George doing this at all. I just started believing my own lies.

I didn't sleep for a single second that night and went downstairs at four am. I just sat on the couch as I cried and made myself some tea to calm down a bit. I just didn't know what to do anymore, I was wearing a mask and couldn't get it off for some reason. It stuck with me and was now getting my real personality.

I laid down on the couch for three more hours and then went to the bathroom to shower shortly. I was really tired and exhausted and ended up sitting down in the shower. My legs felt like literal jelly and I could collapse any second.

After a short shower, I turned it off to dry myself off very slowly. I went downstairs and sat on the couch as I stared in front of me. My dads had been screaming at me for a while and I didn't want to speak to them.

I wasn't hungry at all so I skipped breakfast as I went to school before my dads were downstairs. I ended up walking to school since I was too tired to grab my bike. I walked very slowly as I looked at all the trees and the sun coming up more.

The warm weather didn't make me happy at all, it just reminded me of the time that I was with George. When he pointed at the birds to calm me down.

I sighed and walked further until I arrived at school, sitting down on a bench as I stared in front of me without any meaning. I was so sad and felt so lonely and depressed. I was falling into a depression and no one even knew. I didn't want anyone to know either, they would just be annoying.

I looked up as people walked past me and suddenly saw George walking. He was wearing his sweats and shirt again and had high lifted shoulders as he looked down at his feet. I smiled at him, trying to apologise for what happened, but George looked at me madly.

I stood up and walked to him, but he pushed me away. 'Leave me alone, Clay. You hurt me way too much to just talk again.'

He looked at me and I saw his bruised eye, making me be startled by it. He slowly looked down at his hands again, but I got mad.

TW homophobia (F-slur)/bullying
TW slight abuse

'I hate you, George. I just came up to you and you have to be this dumb and stubborn again. Is that part of that disease of yours?'

'I don't have a disease,' George whispered. 'Stop hurting me.'

'YOU'RE DISGUSTING, YOU DRESS UP LIKE A GIRL AND YOU ARE ALSO A FAGGOT,' I screamed so loudly that the whole school could listen with me.

George tried pushing me away, but I grabbed his shoulders as I pushed him against the wall. 'WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING A DRESS? YOU'RE SO DISGUSTING, RIGHT?'

George said nothing and I saw tears filling his eyes. I got so angry that I ended up punching him in his face and let go of him after that. I was startled by what I had done, I realised that I just outed my best friend in front of the whole school and grabbed his hand.

TW over

'I'm so sorry, please forgive me.'

'No, you went too far,' George whispered with his hand on his eye. 'You can beat me up, but you outed me in front of everyone. Do you remember how much you got bullied? I will be in that position now.'

I said nothing as I started regretting my actions more and more. George had a tear roll down his face. 'I will be the one running away from them now. Thank you, Clay. Lucky to have you as my best friend.'

'I c-can uh-.'

'NO, you can't do anything. You've ruined it all and now I'm sick of you. Just because I like wearing a dress and I liked boys, you hate me now. I'm still the same person as I have always been and I wouldn't wear dresses around you if it made you uncomfortable. I've dressed up in my room for a year without anyone knowing, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if I would have to hide it for you. Which is actually an absurd thing, I should be able to be myself.'

I seemed to be paralysed and stared at the ground. George had tears rolling down his face and he sobbed softly. 'You also ripped my favourite dress and I know you might not care, but I really loved that dress. My mum might be able to repair it, but it hurts.'

George clenched his fists out of anger and sniffed loudly. 'I'm so sad, Clay. I have always been there for you, I would have always accepted you. We could have talked about your homophobia. As real friends, we could have solved it. I could have avoided talking about it to make you comfortable and I would have never worn a dress in your presence, nor would I have worn makeup.'

George started running off as everyone stared at him and I turned around slowly, looking at people smiling at me like they were proud of me doing such a thing. I ran off in the direction George went and startled as I saw him running away from three people following him.

I didn't know what to do anymore and decided to go after George. I ran to him and stood in front of him to protect him, but George pushed me away.

'I don't need your help anymore, Clay. You don't have to help me, you caused this yourself and I won't forgive it.'

1005 words

Summary:
Clay outs George and George is sick of it, YYOYOYOYOYOYOOYYOOYYO