This Is Me

19

TW's:
-Mentions homophobia
-Mentions abuse

Clay's POV

I looked at George and saw them standing up with tears in their eyes. I held the present in front of me, giving it to them. I had bought a dark blue one which was similar to their light blue dress.

'Forgive me, please,' I repeated, handing them my present.

George grabbed it and unwrapped the paper, looking at the dress. 'Thank you so much.'

'Before I say anything, what are your pronouns?'

George smiled shyly. 'Either he/him or they/them.'

'Which ones do you prefer?'

'He/him, I think.'

'Okay,' I smiled and grabbed his hands. 'George, I have a lot of explaining to do. I don't want to wait with this till after school, can we go outside together?'

George nodded and I pulled him with me. We sat on a bench outside in the sun and I turned to George as I scooted a bit closer to him.

'George, I'm so sorry. I'm actually terribly sorry for everything I've done. After I got bullied for so long, I got very depressed and started hiding myself behind a homophobic mask. I'm not homophobic at all, in fact. I uh- I like boys and I'm gay as well.'

George smiled at me. 'I'm glad you've told me.'

'How can I ever make this up to you?'

'Just accept me.'

'I do accept you and that dress looked absolutely gorgeous on you. George, I've been in love with you since I turned thirteen.'

George smiled again and I saw a blush fill his face as he looked at his hands, because he got a bit flustered.

'How can I make it better?'

'I'm already happy, Clay.'

'George? Can I uh- do anything to apologise? I feel very guilty.'

George just smiled and moved closer to me. I didn't really know what to do as I saw him move closer to me and he smiled. His hand went up to my face and he smiled as he moved even closer. 'Yes or no?'

I nodded slowly, but didn't move at all. George leaned in and closed his eyes as I felt his lips touch mine shortly. I didn't dare to kiss back yet, but it felt amazing. Even though the kiss was only two seconds long.

George smiled at me after we broke apart. 'Are you okay?'

I nodded. 'I'm uh- just a bit scared. I was very closeted and uh- I'm a bit scared. I've never kissed anyone and definitely not the same sex as me.'

'Did I go too fast?'

I shook my head.

'Do you want to kiss again? I'll be very careful, I won't go any further than you want us to.'

I nodded and smiled shyly as we both leaned in. I grabbed George's hand and my other hand went up to his face. George's lips softly touched mine and I closed my eyes. I was very nervously, noticeable by my fast breathing rhythm.

I kissed George back this time, letting our lips move in sync as I held him tightly against my body. I was just out of the closet so I was still a bit scared to kiss with the same sex, but I didn't mind as much as before. I loved this kiss with George a lot and it felt like I was on a different planet. My stomach was filled up with the same butterflies that I had as soon as I looked at him.

We broke the kiss some seconds later and we both smiled. My cheeks were really red at this point and George grabbed my hands. 'Did I go too far?'

I shook my head. 'I really loved that, but it's just all very new to me.'

'It is to me too, I've never kissed a boy either.'

'I'm glad to be the first person that you've kissed.'

'You used "person", does that have a reason?'

'I talked with my dads about gender and told them that I don't feel completely connected to my current gender, but I don't feel like anything else either. They told me that it seems like I'm a demiboy and I looked it up. It fits well, but I don't really know for sure what I am or what to be.'

George smiled. 'I can help you figure things out.'

'Thank you.'

'Are you okay with me being gender fluid and gay?'

'I'm gay too, but gender fluid is very new to me. How do I get your pronouns right?'

'My dad made something so I can switch it to the pronouns I prefer.'

'Can I get something like that in my house too? So when you're with me, you can switch it whenever you need to.'

'I will ask my dad to make another one.'

'Did your pronouns switch now?'

'They didn't,' George smiled.

'And uh- when you use she/her, do you also want to be called a girl and such?'

George nodded. 'I would rather want that, but I understand that you don't want to since you are gay and you don't want a girlfriend.'

'I am gay and your sex is a boy, I don't care whatever gender you are.'

George nodded and stood up. 'We should go to class.'

'I kind of want to take my makeup off,' I muttered. 'I wanted to make you happy, but I don't feel very confident with it.'

'Come, we are going to take it off.'

'Is that a bad thing of me?'

'It's not, you don't have to wear anything that you don't like to wear.'

I smiled and we walked to the bathroom. George helped me wash it off and when he saw no one was in the bathroom, he kissed me shortly. 'Clay, I think we didn't even ask each other.'

I giggled and grabbed his hand. 'Do you want to be my uh- partner?'

'I would love to,' George smiled. 'Thank you for using a gender neutral word.'

'I uh- I love you,' I muttered shyly.

George smiled and kissed me shortly. 'I love you too. I'm glad to be together with you.'

1017 words

Summary:
I have no idea anymore