Celestia, my knight in shining armor...
08 July 1945I have to tell you, Leste, I would have cried if all that training changed your body. I would have had a word with Wavell. Bloody hell, I despised that man. I was not sad to see him go when we left the camp.
I remember once, a month after we met, our shameless flirting only taking place in the privacy of the washroom at night or that back corner of the pub, Wavell sent me on one of the trucks to gather our rations from the nearby town.
When I told you I'd be leaving, I would have laughed at your expression if I hadn't seen the tears brimming your eyes.
"Are you being sent out?" you whispered in the little alleyway behind the pub.
"No, Leste," I said quickly, hugging you, resting my head on your shoulder. "I'm only going on a supply run." I remember the feeling of your body against mine, warm and shaking with tears.
"Oh my God, don't scare me like that," you exclaimed, pushing my chest back. I laughed, pulling you next to me again.
"Bloody hell," I laughed, sliding down against the wall of the pub. I sat on the dirt when you sat next to me, putting one of your arms around my shoulders. "I think if we were to be sent out we would go together," I told you. And I was right.
"Why?" you asked. Not because you disagreed, I think, but because you simply wanted to know why.
"Our skill levels are, no offense, darling, no equal, so I think they would want each regiment to be balanced." I felt you nod above my head.
"Well, good thing I'm the best soldier they've got. You'll be lucky to be in my regiment," you said, your voice flat and serious. I laughed again, for what was probably the millionth time that night, Leste. I was always laughing when I was with you.
I remember turning into you, my lips hovering just next to the exposed skin of your neck. I wanted so much to lean in and kiss you, taste you, and worship you, Leste. I thought I would never get to. Lord knows I was wrong. All in time, I suppose.
We said our goodbyes that night, you sending me more longing glances than usual as we made our way back to the barracks in the dark. Sleep, as usual, was nowhere to be found, making me exhausted the next morning. I loaded up into one of the trucks with half a dozen other men, watching the camp slowly fade as we drove away. I managed to catch a glimpse of you climbing that wooden pole, reaching for the fabric. It brought a smile to my face.
When we got into the town, it was unlike anything I had seen before. Many tents were set up and people filled the streets. It had become a refuge for victims of raided towns, even those who escaped our enemies' war camps. There were nurses spread everywhere, delivering food as well as blankets, bandages, and clothing. I watched children run around, trying to make games despite the crumbling world. My eyes had become misty.
The trip, as a whole, was quite boring. Our commanding officer barked orders at us, calling us to collect the camp's monthly rations as well as supplies. We were sent to retrieve new guns and grenades, as well as new uniforms. All while watching families weep and looking over the casualty lists for their loved ones.
And in the midst of it, I couldn't stop thinking of you. I couldn't stop thinking of how, if we got close, this could be me. Or you. It could be either of us scanning the ever-growing lists for the other's name.
I forced myself to push away those thoughts because, Leste, I couldn't bear it.
The 'trip,' I guess you could call it, lasted three tortuous days without seeing your beautiful face, hearing your beautiful voice. It was horrid, and I wish to never experience it again. Even now, Leste, our short interactions are hardly enough. These letters are hardly enough.
When I got back, I needed to see you, but you were busy training, running drills with that horrendous Wavell. I went to the pub to drown out my thoughts.
The bar man that was working that afternoon was the same one who was there on our first date. He even spilled the shitty beer on me again. I could only chuckle, a deep laugh, not my authentic one that only you can hear. I thought of my family as I drank, of my mother and August. I've been lucky, and have never found his name on the list of casualties. I wonder if my mother searched the lists, too, now that she knows I have been dispatched into action. Even now, the soldier weeping beside me as I write this to you over the dreaded list enforced my thoughts.
When I was lost in my thoughts that night, thinking of home, a man sat down next to me. He was the same size as me, though not nearly as pretty. I'm sure you'd agree, Leste. Anyway, he started badgering me to buy him a drink; he rambled something about losing all his coin in a gambling match the night before. I was already sour, missing your smile, when I told him to piss off, I got up to leave. The soldier, who, looking back on it, was probably already drunk, followed me out the door and through the alley that acted as a shortcut back to the barracks. Things escalated quickly as he tried to take what little money I had, but you already know what happens next, darling. The soldier was in the middle of handing my ass to me, having me pinned onto the dirt. He didn't even know what hit him as you tapped his shoulder, punching him square in the nose when he turned. The stun was enough to allow me to knee him where it counted. You then proceeded to knock him out cold.
I was still lying flat on my back, smiling up at the sky when you hovered over me, smirking at me, you cheeky, cheeky girl.
"I could get used to this position," you said, bracing both hands on your knees. I only folded my hands behind my head and stared back. I bet you could hear how fast my heart was racing, Leste, and even see the flush of my cheeks in the dark.
"Are you going to help me up or am I destined to be the bottom forever?" I said. You shook your head with a laugh, pulling me up. I swear, Leste, I felt sparks at the contact.
You pulled me flush against your body, your lips at my ear, and whispered, "if we were against a wall we wouldn't have to pine for the better position." Everything in me was set alight at that. I was so, so, angry when we heard the laughs of men nearing, forcing us to pull away, again.
"I know you were on your way back to the barracks," you said, your voice deepening into your mask. A few men strolled through the alley, nodding at us. We nodded back. "But are you up for another round, my friend?" I smiled, a genuine smile.
"Only if you're buying."
————
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