Sealed With Ink

Twenty

Arabella, you showed me my true self...
21 July 1945

I have never felt so euphoric in my life, you brought heaven down to me that night.

I will never live down the fact that my body was worshipped by an angel. I never thought the sensations that you gave me that night were possible, thank you for letting me feel that way.

I can still feel your lips on mine, your hands caressing my hips, your calloused fingers in me. I might have been worried if you felt the same way, but the difficulty you showed in staying quiet as I worshipped you was an excellent portrayal of your pleasure. The walls of the tent were too thin for our skills, it's a miracle no one heard us now that I think of it.

I never imagined myself with a woman, if I'm being honest. As I have said before, I was never a great believer in love. I saw marriage as a safety net rather than a declaration of love. My father never pushed me, but I knew he wanted me to marry a wealthy man. I had sort of accepted that that was how things worked in this world, that everything is a transaction.

I had heard of homosexual relationships, about them being illegal. The people in Whilton constantly gossiped about it, how taboo it was, how disgusting it was, how impure and satanic it was to love someone of the same sex. I didn't then, but now I understand why those words hurt, why I would get irked when they cussed out queer men. My parents, thankfully, never joined in those discussions. I asked them for their opinion on it once, they only said that it was not their place to judge people for their preferences. They wouldn't have cared, they would have loved you, loved us. They will.

Maybe deep down I knew I was attracted to both men and women, maybe I denied myself love because of it, because if I did allow myself to love, it would have been unacceptable. But screw that, life is too short to be ashamed of who you love.

I refuse to be ashamed of loving you.

If the entire world despises me for it, so be it. I would never deny my love for you, and I wish for our children to live in a world where they will be free to love who they choose. Maybe when we leave this place, we will fight for that future.

You helped me come to terms with my sexuality, thank you for that. Were it not for you, I would have never accepted myself as bisexual. You opened my heart not only to you but to myself, too.

Arabella, you have helped me grow in ways you cannot begin to imagine.

Thank you for everything, truly, thank you.

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