Sincerely, Mine (Dreamnotfound)

Find Yourself

This was wrong.

Clay punched his mirror and started to cry even more now. He didn't know why he felt this way for George, but it wasn't right.

Why did he like the kiss so much? And more importantly, why did he want to kiss him again?

He had to shove these thoughts out of his head. Maybe this was just him being desperate for somebody. But he's never felt this way about either one of the girls he's dated. He's never even been interested in a girl this much. It felt different with George.

With George he felt safe. He felt like he could be himself around him. He felt like there's a connection, one that can grow over time.

Maybe he should try with George?

Clay shook his head. He couldn't do that, he couldn't lose his friendship with George over this. The only way to do that is to push his new coming feelings aside, and let time do its thing. He wiped the tears from his eyes and tried to forget about the whole situation.

George felt sick.

Not physically sick but mentally sick, he felt like he messed up. But Clay kissed him and George liked it a lot. He knew Clay didn't like it though, but why would he do it?

George just wanted to talk to him truthfully. Clay wouldn't answer his text messages or phone calls, so George put his phone down and stared into his ceiling.

He put his finger on his lips where Clay's lips were not even an hour beforehand. It was such a warm and pleasant feeling, he wished it was still happening.

George's first kiss wasn't what he imagined it to be; he always thought even though he was gay it would be a girl. But it wasn't, it was the boy that he was slowly falling for and it couldn't stop. It was dangerous to fall for Clay; he knew that his feelings would be hurt and he would end up heartbroken.

That is why George knew this couldn't happen again. Clay was uncomfortable, he could tell as soon as it ended. But during the kiss it seemed like he wanted George. He didn't pull away fast like he thought he would. Maybe Clay did like it, he just needed some time to comprehend what even happened.

And George was right about that. Clay really liked it. So he started to write a letter to George, one that he wouldn't send to him. At least not yet. His eyes were still red and puffy from the mental breakdown he had not long before, but he was feeling a bit better.

It took some time, but he put exactly what he wanted in the letter. Then he folded it, and stuck it in the back of a drawer where nobody would bother looking.

His parents weren't home, like usual. He took that as a perfect opportunity to get out of the house, even for just a little bit.

He started his car and drove off, not having a single clue where to go. He just knew that he wanted to get away, even if it was only for a couple hours.

Clay's phone was completely shut off so that he couldn't see George's texts. He had to have alone time, at least for now. Clay didn't even know what to say to George; he felt so wrong and he felt like George wouldn't forgive him for what he did.

He just went in different directions, not knowing where he even was. Finally, he pulled over onto the side of the road to check his missed texts and calls.

Exactly what he expected. George blew him up, calling him at least once every hour. Clay owed it to George to call him back and explain.

It only had to ring once until George answered, almost immediately.

"Clay?"