My light in my dark world (Brittana)

Chapter 12

- 3 months later -

Over the last 3 months, Santana had been continuing to work on her mental health and overcoming her trauma, as well as her alcohol addiction. She wasn't having nightmares or flashbacks as often as she did and she also had now been sober for 89 days. Of course she was still recovering and trying to find her happiness, but she was definitely making huge progress.

Herself and Brittany hadn't spoke much as it felt a little awkward and sad. They spoke every now and then in the group chat or if they went to the same place with their glee club friends, but it wasn't the same as it was before the pick-up truck date. Santana was eager to build bridges with Brittany and get things back to how they were, but Brittany had distanced herself in fear she'd damage Santana's recovery by admitting she felt hurt by being lead on those 3 months ago. She didn't want to confront Santana about this at the time as she felt it was the wrong time and she'd be being selfish, so she kept it bottled up. She was also trying to realise her and Santana wouldn't ever be anything more than friends.

Once she did realise it, Brittany had met a girl through her work called Olivia and they have been seeing each other for about 3 weeks now. It was obvious to her friends that Olivia was a rebound to get over Santana, but at the same time, she did seem happy with her. Brittany had told everyone about her, apart for Quinn and Santana.

Bzzzz bzzzz

Santana picked up her phone off Quinn's couch and read the text from Artie.

'Hitting the club tonight, all of us glee kids. 9pm, the usual place. See you and Q there!'

Santana read the text to Quinn and waited for her response. "We've got nothing better to do? But I don't want it to trigger your recovery and progress, so I'm more than happy to do something else instead. You've been doing amazing San" said Quinn. "Thanks Q, but let's go. I'm sober and it's staying that way. Alcohol free drinks for me will do!" replied Santana as she reassured Quinn she was fine to go.

"Okay, if you're sure. But I'm not taking my eyes off you. How will you feel if Britt is there?" asked Quinn. "It's fine, it is what it is. I miss her, of course I do but I made my bed now I've got to lie in it. I just hope she can have fun even though I'll be there" replied Santana.

- 9pm that day -

As Santana and Quinn headed over to the reserved booth, they said hi to everyone and put down their jackets and purse's. Santana and Brittany locked eyes and shared a weak smile, which didn't last for long at all. As drinks made their way to the booth table, the smell of alcohol hit Santana like a train. She clenched her jaw, took a deep breath and internally shook away any temptation that was there. Quinn handed her an alcohol free beer as well as a glass of water, and reassured her that she could do this and she would be okay.

"This is a big step for you, San. It's loud, busy, there's lots of shouting and alcohol so please just let me know if you want to leave at any point. You say the word and we'll go, okay?" said Quinn, as Santana nodded.

The gang soon made their way to the dance floor and let loose. It was hard for Santana to have proper fun, as she'd usually only have the confidence to dance after she'd had a few drinks, but her friends made sure she was dancing and involved and having fun. This was the loosest Santana had felt in years. She felt free and just genuinely content.

That was until, she saw a slim brunette girl locking lips with Brittany in their booth. Santana felt her heart and stomach drop, followed by a lump in her throat as she held back tears. "Who is that" asked Santana to Kurt. "Uhh...that's Olivia. They've been seeing each other for a couple weeks. I'm sorry San, I thought you knew" he answered.

The two girls were grinding all over each other as Brittany downed another shot of whatever was available.

Quinn caught wind of the situation and realised why Santana looked like she had seen a ghost. "Oh fuck" she muttered to Mercedes as she walked over to Santana, to face her away and to distract her. "Let's go home, San. This might not end well and I don't want this to ruin your progress" said Quinn. "No. I'm fine" replied Santana as she fled to the club toilets. She locked the cubicle door behind her and leant her hands on the sink as she looked at herself in the mirror.

She had no self pep talks left in her. She had no advice left or motivation or energy to go back out there and pretend she didn't see them all over each other. Seeing Brittany with someone else completely broke her.

She wiped her eyes and went back into the club. Brittany and Olivia had now taken their 'live porno" to the dance floor, leaving the booth empty for Santana to sit. Quinn had gone searching for Santana, which gave her a window of opportunity to order a drink without being watched. She sat back down with her vodka shots on the table in front of her. She sat and stared at them, contemplating her entire recovery and if these few tiny shots would be worth ruining it. She was sad, hurt and lonely. She didn't care any more. She pushed away the one girl she'd ever truly loved and now she had found someone else.

She slowly picked up one of the shot glasses, took a deep breath and lifted it to her mouth. She wiped her tears and poured the liquid into her mouth and swallowed it, followed by 3 more. She just didn't care about anything, other than Brittany.

She sat there for a minute, by herself, soaking up her messy thoughts and allowing the alcohol to kick in. She didn't bother wiping her tears or hiding her sobs anymore, it all just came out. Just as she was about to go for the 5th shot, Brittany ran over and knocked it out of her hand. "Santana! What the hell are you doing!?" screamed Brittany.

To be continued...