For Real This Time

Chapter Thirteen

When he woke up the morning after his fight with Sebastian, Blaine dreaded leaving his room. He figured Sebastian would still be asleep after how much he drank the night before, but even the thought of resuming their conversation from the night before made Blaine want to go back to sleep, avoid his problems for another day. Sebastian's words just kept ringing in his ears. I'm not just going to sit around and wait until you wake up one day and realize you're in love with me. Was that what Blaine was doing? Just waiting, making Sebastian sit around while he procrastinated making a decision about what he really wanted? No, Blaine reminded himself, you know how you feel. He knew he wanted Sebastian. He wanted him more than he'd ever wanted anything. Why couldn't he say that?

But he knew why. It was the fear. Fear that he'd already screwed it all up. Fear that he'd made a mistake with Kurt. Fear that he'd make the wrong decision. Fear that he'd put himself out there only to be rejected. Fear that Sebastian would refuse to commit, and Blaine would end up hurt again. Fear that he'd lose one of his closest friends and the guy he maybe loved all at once. And worst of all, fear that Sebastian might not love him back.

It was an hour of restless, all-consuming fear before Blaine dragged himself out of bed. He needed to check on Sebastian, even if he was terrified of picking up where they'd left off the night before. No matter how crappy he felt, he needed to make sure Sebastian was okay. The guest room was down the hall and around a corner, but it still took Blaine longer than he would ever admit to make his way to that door. Maybe if he could procrastinate just a little bit longer...

When he finally arrived, he was shocked to find the door was open. All signs of Sebastian were gone except for the slight stench Blaine was all too familiar with from the night before. The bed was made, albeit slightly messier than the way Mrs. Anderson liked it. It was almost as if Sebastian was never there at all, and for a moment Blaine considered that maybe he'd imagined the whole thing. In fact, he wished that was the case, that he could take it all back and never let Sebastian yell at him like that, never let himself yell back. Never let himself cancel their plans in the first place.

After finding the guest room empty, Blaine decided to check downstairs. Maybe Sebastian woke up and decided to make himself some breakfast. How could he have possibly gotten home? Who would've given him a ride from Lima to Columbus? But Sebastian was still nowhere to be seen and a million possible explanations raced through Blaine's mind. Maybe Sebastian left in the middle of the night and started wandering around the neighborhood. Maybe he left immediately after Blaine went to sleep. Maybe he was hurt somewhere or keeled over on the side of the road like how Blaine had found him the night before.

Where'd you go? Are you okay? -Blaine

He knew he should check in, verify that Sebastian was at least alive and nursing his hangover. But he didn't want to push it. After a while, he started to freak out. He tried calling a few times but didn't get an answer, just Sebastian's voicemail. He decided to let it be for a moment, desperately hoping Sebastian was okay. But an hour passed and still nothing. For once, he hoped that Sebastian was just ignoring him. Any other explanation was almost too scary to even consider. So he sent another text, this time letting Sebastian know he was worried and needed some sort of reassurance that he was okay.

I know things are weird, but will you please text me so that I know you're okay? Or at least alive? -Blaine

It might have been a bit harsh, especially if any of the worst-case scenarios in Blaine's mind were actually true, but after the words Sebastian used the night before, it seemed appropriate. After all, he probably just got a ride and Blaine was freaking out over nothing. He started to let his mind wander again as he returned to his room, sitting on his bed to contemplate where he'd gone wrong. He started to imagine what Sebastian might say if he ever replied. Hopefully it was some sort of explanation, maybe even an apology. He knew he shouldn't expect that from Sebastian. Sure, he'd gotten better at expressing his feelings over time, but Blaine was certain he'd only heard Sebastian use the words "I'm sorry" a handful of times, a majority of which were related to the slushy incident. But despite it all, Blaine wasn't sure Sebastian should be the one apologizing. The way he'd spoken to Blaine was horrible, but maybe it was deserved. Blaine did abandon him without much of an explanation to spend the day with Kurt.