AMOUR || J.JK × Reader ✔

chapter 29 | You and I

"What did he say?" my voice nearly trembles, feeling an urge to put an end to this call and let him be. "Nothing. I'll come home later," he hangs up, but I still cannot process what I just heard. Does that mean that I am nothing better than that to him? That is what he tells his friends when he talks about me?

He never made me feel this much of pain before. Even if I hurt him, he is eighteen, I am an adult, his father, and he does not have the right to do such a thing to me only because I was intimate with the girl he fell in love with. I would never have expected him to do something like that.

I lock my phone and throw it on the sofa, my heart pounding, clenching in my chest. I bite my lips but walk up the stairs to take my baby to his room, and I put him in his crib. I place his plushie near his body, and I leave. My brain just paused, I do not even know what I am feeling, what I am thinking. All my emotions are blocked, literally.

After all, I guess I deserve all of this.

I ignore the physical impact this has on my chest, and I get into the kitchen. Everything feels dull inside of me, my brain convincing myself that everything is okay while my heart knows more than anything that it wants to stop beating and struggling.

I gulp down the heaviness in my throat, and I open the microwave, grab a spoon, and I move to the sofa. I do not turn the TV on, I do not want to hear or see anything, I eat all by myself, in the quietness of the house that I am the cause of.

I am not going to think about y/n. Why would I? This will only deepen the wound. At this point, there are no stitches anymore, nothing can fix it, it's an open cut, and the seconds, minutes, and hours add more sensitivity to it.

My wife cheated on me. My baby, who I thought was mine, is not my biological one. The girl who fell in love with me, and for who I caught feelings, left because I caused her pain. My son despises me and talks about me as if I was nothing but a pervert and horrible father. So why would I not be okay? Everything is fine. I am fine.

I stir in my food, forcing myself to eat without even enjoying it but just shoving everything in my mouth to not be hungry, to not harm myself, and be unable to take care of Hyejoon who needs me.

I wish y/n could be here. I wish she could take me in her arms, or just look into my eyes. A simple moment of eye contact would be enough for me to feel better, to know that she is near me and that I still mean something to someone.

•••

8:20 pm.

I press a kiss on my baby's head after putting him to sleep, and I pass my hand over it, before leaving the room to let him dream.

I make my way downstairs but remain careful since all the lights are off and that only the window in the ceiling offers some night light. I get back on the sofa since I cannot stand to be in my bed anymore, and I lay down but take my laptop on my thighs. I need to look for a new house, I do not want to stay here anymore, I want it to remain in my past and move on. I have too many memories here, including bad ones.

I type on the keyboard to find a good website, but the sound of the front door opening surprises me, nonetheless, I keep my eyes on the screen and nothing else.

He is eighteen as he said, he is a grown man, so I am going to treat him like one. I am not a good father anyway, he must not want to be like me, so he should learn to be a good man by himself.

Both of us remaining silent as I do not even have the strength to scold him anymore, he does not even apologize, he walks past the sofa and goes upstairs. I do not even know if it hurts me to act that way after what I heard earlier, I cannot get those words out of my head, and the weight it pushes onto my heart is so strong that the pain will probably never go away given who this came from.