AMOUR || J.JK × Reader ✔

chapter 30 | Without you

"Can I talk to you, please?" his question leaves him in an unsteady voice, and I nod to answer. He comes next to me on the sofa. "I need to talk to you..." he holds the sleeves of his hoodie in his hands, gripping them. "Tell me..." I fear the words he has to say, but I keep quiet to let him talk.

"I want to apologize...for what I did," he tears up in front of me. "And what I said. I didn't mean anything...I swear...I was just mad, and I acted like a kid...but I regret doing this. I'm so sorry, dad. I love you, and I shouldn't have done that..."

I gaze at him without answering, feeling affected by the sight of him in this state but still having in mind what I heard on the phone the other day. I peek down at my baby who moved and got between my thighs to play with his new book, and I keep my hands on his small body.

"I know you must hate me and feel disappointed because of what you heard the other day, but I didn't want him to say such a thing...I would never have said that to you or anyone..." he mentions it, not ignoring this moment that deeply hurt me. "I don't hate you, I'll never hate my child," I look at him. "And I wanted to apologize right on the day that it happened, but I was scared to do it."

"I'm glad you finally apologized. I understand that you were mad at me, but seeing you act that way was a bit hard to handle," I tell him the truth since we are having a serious talk. "I'm sorry, dad...I mean it. The worst was that I got so scared when you became silent and started to not talk to me anymore...I knew that I hurt you a lot...and I feel horrible for that."

"It's okay," I do not let him concern himself about this any longer, willing to solve this problem in a positive manner. "It was a mistake. I'm not mad at you or anything, I just hope this won't happen again," I keep my pain to myself for him to not feel affected by what this caused to me. "It won't ever happen again. I promise. I love you, and I don't want to hurt you again..." he shakes his head, and I smile at him. "I love you too, and I apologize as well for hurting you."

"Don't be, I'm just immature, you didn't do anything wrong," he wipes his tears away and leans closer to me. "I just want to forget about this," I state, not lying about it. I do not want to think about this sentence his friend said, I do not want to know about what he told them to get him to say that, I just want to overlook it. He nods but peeks at me as his little brother is having fun touching the fluffy parts of the book, but he leans towards me and puts his arms around my body, his head resting on my arm. I smile at this gesture I have not been given by him in a while, and I hug him back.

I ruffle his hair to drop a kiss on his head and make sure he feels better now. This here, is the reason why is till consider him as my baby, because he is.

After a few seconds full of love and care, he retreats and dries his tears with his sleeves that must have soaked up a lot of them. "I want to talk about y/n..." he brings her up when I did not expect him to actually do it. I do not refuse it since this is important for us both to talk about her, and I let him know he can go ahead.

"I saw her just right before coming here because I needed to talk to her and ask something...and...I want to ask you a question too," he provokes some nervousness without even knowing, but I keep control of my emotions and do not show any signs of torment. "I'm listening."

"Do you love her? Like, really?" he asks what I knew would be put on the table. "Do you feel that thing inside that tells you that you need and want her?"

I clear my throat, even though I do not need it, and I muse on it. I look at my baby who turned around to climb on me, and I run my fingers through my hair. "I do need and want her, but that is the problem. I'm soon forty, but I never dated anyone before your mom, so I still have a lot of doubts and fears about love, which makes me feel like the fact that I was broken might have, like..." I try to find the right word to explain this feeling I have. "Distorted my mind and heart. I always hate to think like that, but I cannot stop wondering if I would have felt the same way around her if I was not broken. I mean...yeah...I'm pretty sure I would have...I maybe think too much, I don't know," I cannot even be sure of my own feelings.