Our Scars

Back And Forth

15

Back And Forth (Title by Skofi, Romc) 

Rianne hadn't intended to fall asleep in Jay's bed.

But once they had both calmed down and talked about everything that was on Jay's mind that night, they had snuggled up against one another. She'd been running her fingers through Jay's soft hair, his face pressed tightly into the crook of her neck, until his breathing had become deeper and more even. His body had twitched a few times as if he was fighting sleep, but finally his strong grip on her had loosened and let her know he was a goner. Rianne's own eyelids had felt like stones she wasn't able to hold up any longer. Her whole body so heavy, she couldn't lift a single finger. All that craziness and the unexpected turn of events had worn her out.

He was in so much pain and it had gone right through her too. When Jay told her what happened to Marcus West and his own involvement, how it had all turned out for that innocent man, her heart had felt that weight he would carry around with him. From now on for the rest of his life! This was not something one could just wipe away and be done with. Not a jacket he could shrug out of and toss aside. Jay was cursing himself for having been too quick to judge, too quick to take drastic action because he had wanted justice for those poor boys so badly. The image of two innocent children being killed in cold blood while just playing a game of playstation imprinted before his eyes. She understood how that must have been like for him. Too many times she'd been tempted to not do things by the book, because far too often children, too young or too weak to fend for themselves, were victims of grown-ups that should just get their shit together.

In a way Rianne was angry with herself that she hadn't turned away from this fast enough. By not asking Jay that many personal questions she had tried to keep him at arms-length until now. It had been hard enough as it was, because Jay was not a man that was easily kept at arms-length. She had no problem sharing stories about her life, her past. Letting him near her physically wasn't the real issue either. But she knew the more she learned about him, what kind of a person he was, the deeper she cared, the deeper her feelings for him would possibly grow. He should rather have stayed a riddle to her, a bit of a stranger. This night had not at all gone according to plan, if there ever had been one. He was getting under her skin, deep, fast. And she was afraid that she would not be able to walk away so easily without hurting herself.

The next thing she knew, bright daylight was falling through the windows in Jay's bedroom. It was simple, she recognized now. Not really much decor. It was comfortable, functional. And very tidy. She'd noticed that of the other rooms she'd seen in passing as well. They were all kinds of spotless. Maybe that was an army thing or he had a cleaning lady.

Frightened, because she didn't want this to be awkward, she jerked her head up, searching for an alarm clock or her phone, to get the time. But she couldn't really move far, being hauled in Jay's arms like she was.

While her mind was racing, contemplating how she should play this and cover up her accidental sleepover, she had carefully made it halfway out of the bed, rearranging Jay's limbs, when his arm shot out from behind her again und pulled her back in.

She couldn't flinch away, because he held her down pretty tight and began nuzzling her neck with his nose. Rianne just closed her eyes shut and inwardly grimaced. How stupid of her, this was bad! Maybe Jay was still sleeping and had grabbed her unconsciously, so that she could make her silent get-away and act as if nothing happened anyway, but no such luck.

The moment she tried to gently pry his arm from her a second time, keeping her eyes shut, as if that would help, she heard Jay chuckle softly and nudge her butt with his knee:

"Did you just try to do a runner on me?"

"Maybe..." she winced; kind of embarrassed she got caught and still nervous because she couldn't guess what time it was. Maybe she was already late for work.