Our Scars

Non-Breakable Space

49

Non-Breakable Space (Title by Small Fires)

Couple and individual goal: Just get to the 22nd of December!

It was easier said than actually done making it through the next two weeks until Jay and Rianne could finally take some time off together. There was still a lot to be done before then. Christmas and everything related to the festivities should be a harmonious and joyful time. Not only tended the pre-holiday stress to get to mostly everyone who was shopping for gifts, making preparations, arranging trips to see family or have them over for the actual festivities: For people working in the social sector it turned out to be one of the busiest and hardest times of the year.

For Rianne this mainly affected children and young people who fled their homes at that time, were kicked out or did not have one in the first place, small and bigger humans with problems a mile long, not able to join in the holiday spirit, because other things and matters were more pressing or there just was nothing enjoyable in their life right now. For the ones without an actual family this time of the year brought up many issues and was a bitter reminder that everyone else seemed to be celebrating something that they could never achieve.

Rianne had her hands full accompanying crisis interventions, making visits, and in some cases preventing the worst (abuse, mistreatment, lack of nourishment, domestic violence) if there was a chance. Impending holidays sometimes brought out the worst in housing and family situations, especially when money was tight and the goal of a "happy holiday" seemed far too hard to reach.

It could have been a fast final spurt, but the two weeks until Christmas dragged on. She repeatedly felt like a juggler trying to reconcile her private and professional life. Most days she tried not to get upset about the fact that she had far too little time to enjoy everything new with Jay the way she would have wanted to, hell she didn't even get to do her usual Christmas decorations and crafts. This was also due to most of her stuff still being boxed up in some storage unit.

Jay, too, was no less buffeted by the pre-Christmas chaos of a city like Chicago. Holidays didn't just miraculously stop crime. On the contrary!

Once they happened to see each other for a few stolen moments between his impossible and often never-ending hours on duty that so often didn't match hers, or they deliberately had arranged a meeting that didn't get canceled, they tried to work on their plans for the future living-situation. There was a whole lot to think about and to discuss. It was indeed a welcome distraction to all the different horrors they were faced with every day.

What part of the town did they want to live in? Did they want to rent or buy? Who was willing and able to provide how much money? Who wanted to secure themselves and how, and who was more afraid of the uncertainties that this new experiment would bring? What did they like concerning style, interior design and such?

They were facing an important milestone in their relationship: finding compromises and getting to know things about each other on previously foreign turf.

More than once their evenings/nights consisted of lying on the couch or in bed, iPad drawn, Rianne looking over Jay's shoulder while he edited his thousands of lists and favorites and adjusted searches. Somehow they were still in the pure 'just browsing' phase without seriously considering anything, but having a lot of fun doing so. She really loved how eager he was to get on with it and how little he seemed attached to his current apartment and how he never tried to talk her into something she didn't want or like.

When sides of his child-like enthusiasm and goofy humor were able to break through Rianne sometimes had to pinch herself to remind her that this was actually happening. Also to keep herself from swooning because she found herself so terribly in love with him and the prospect of building a life together.