Kurtis Conner x Danny Gonzalez x Obama

Chapter 9: Get Weezed

Kurtis was miserable.

He was chained up to the desk by his ankles, the handcuffs digging into his skin, leaving red marks. Kurtis had to spend all day researching what Trump was doing.

He wondered what Danny was doing. Why did he get to go on special missions while Kurtis was stuck at a desk sitting at a computer every single day.
Kurtis was supposed to upload a video yesterday. Maybe his fans would know something is wrong...

The other people down in the basement looked depressed, with bags under their eyes and horrible posture. They never talked to each other. Kurtis guessed that they weren't allowed to. The basement was silent, aside from the clicking of keyboards.
But all of a sudden, Kurtis heard something. It was faint, but it got louder. Was it a song?

"What's with these homies dissin' my girl?"

Was someone singing? Kurtis looked behind him. Other people had also heard the music, and were looking around.

"Pay attention to your work!" One of the security guards shouted. Everyone turned back around. But the song got louder.

"Why do they gotta front?
What did we ever do to these guys
That made them so violent?"

Kurtis knew he heard those lyrics before, but he couldn't remember the name of the song.

"But you know I'm yours
(Ooh ooh) And I know you're mine
(Ooh ooh) And that's for all of time"

People started getting distracted again. Even the security guard was trying to figure out who it was.

"Ooh-wee-ooh, I look just like Buddy Holly
Oh oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore
I don't care what they say about us anyway
I don't care 'bout that"

Kurtis finally figured it out. It was Buddy Holly by Weezer. But where was it playing from? He looked to the side, then he looked up on the ceiling. There was an intercom! And the song was playing from it. Why is Obama playing Weezer?

"Hello workers. I am just letting you know that Buddy Holly by Weezer is the new alarm to signal that it's lunchtime."  Obamas voice boomed over the intercom.

Kurtis always looked forward to lunch. He got a break from working, and he got to be unchained from the desk. Everyone lined up to go to the lunch tables at the other end of the basement. Once the security guards made sure everyone was seated, you were allowed to eat. The tables already had food and silverware on them. Today's lunch was a flavorless iceberg lettuce salad, a ham and cheese sandwich, and a apple. It wasn't fine dining, but it was edible.

During lunch, people whispered to each other. Kurtis wondered if they talked about him, since he's the newcomer. He hadn't made an attempt to socialize with anyone yet.

Kurtis decided to talk to someone. A thirty something year old woman was sitting next to him, picking at her salad. "Hey, what's your name?"

The woman stopped eating and stared. Maybe asking about names wasn't allowed around here?

"The salad's pretty flavorless... haha..." Kurtis laughed awkwardly in an attempt to make her feel more comfortable.  The attempt did not work.
The woman moved her chair away from Kurtis.

Taking that as a cue to give up, he went back to eating his salad.

"Hey, you're Kurtis Conner, right? Guess who it is... it's me, John Mulaney."

"JOHN MULANEY?" Kurtis turned around and saw a smiling John sitting at the table behind him.

"Yep. I'm working for Obama."

"I can't believe it..."

John shrugged and gave a half smile. "I've been here for about a week and a half. Im here to entertain Obama."

"Then why are you down here eating in the basement?"

"Even I, comedy legend John Edmund Mulaney, do not get to eat lunch upstairs."

Kurtis thought it was very cruel of Obama to not let John eat upstairs.

"To be honest John, I want to get out of here," Kurtis said in a whisper.

"Me too. I don't know how though. Those security guards are pretty tough guys. It seems like everyone here gave up on getting out. But look, they're all depressed."

Kurtis agreed. He hadn't found a way to escape yet. He hoped that Danny would come and rescue him soon.

"Look, it's me and you, Kurtis. We're in this together now. I've gotta get out of here to make my comedy special. Obama messed up by luring me into working for him. People are gonna get suspicious of my disappearance."

"Same here. I'm not a celebrity like you, but I have three million subscribers on youtube. Kurtis-town will notice soon that I'm gone." 

"Let's talk at lunch tomorrow about an escape plan."

"Yeah, sure. Oh, by the way, my friend Danny is here too. But he's on some special mission."

John shook his head and frowned. "Being here, it changes people. He's going to forget about you, Kurtis."

Kurtis was taken aback. He wasn't expecting such serious words out of a comedian.

"I doubt it. Me and Danny are good friends. He won't forget about me." Kurtis replies, but inside he wonders if it's true that Danny would abandon him.

"Get up everyone. Lunch time is over, " the security guards announce.

John and Kurtis get up.

"We'll get outta here. One day." John says. "Bye, Kurtis."

"Bye."

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Authors note: YALL I AM SO SORRY ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE IVE UPDATED THIS.

If you didn't know, this is not my account (my best friend is the one who writes the anime fanfics).

Apparently there's a lot of people who want this to continue. So Ill give the people what they want 🤲

BTW THE COMMENTS ARE SO FUNNY

Also lmk if you want a face reveal i'll put my instagram in the next chapter 🏧