Raised in a toxic and horrible household, a girl with a truly Brutal upbringing Eleanor L. Kang gets married off in an arranged marriage where she struggles with the change and adjustment of her handsome yet cruel businessman of a husband Kim Seokj...
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I was sitting in my bedroom thinking about life, my decisions, my past, my kids, everything. Jin and I got back together and ever since we had all I could feel was doubt.
Was this really the right decision? Did I make the logical choice? I can't only think of myself in this situation now I have my kids to take into consideration as well is this the best decision for them?
All of this thinking made me wonder if Jin and I getting back together was even a good idea. I sat up against my bed frame rubbing my face. I was so confused and didn't know what to do, was it too late to take it back?
I know I told him I trusted him and that I'll give him another chance but it didn't mean I couldn't have doubts. You can't keep kicking a kitten then be shocked when it doesn't come running to you for comfort.
In therapy I realized that none of it was my fault, the abuse, the neglect, the harshness. None of it was my fault. Sometimes people hurt those because they themselves are broken and I never understood why. Jin came from a loving home, his parents adored him he never was short on love. I on the other hand never received love from my parents. So if anything wouldn't have it made more sense for me to turn out like he did in our marriage?
All I knew was none of it was my fault.
The kids were in preschool right now so it was just Jin and I in the house. The bedroom door opened and an exhausted Jin walked in collapsing on the bed.
I didn't even react.
"I love our kids to death but god are they messy." He chuckled. "Especially Minseok I swear he rolls around in mud."
I didn't respond. "Hey, what's wrong?" He asked.
"I think...I think we moved too fast." I said, he looked at me with confusing propping himself up on his elbow.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
I took in a breath. "I mean with getting back together, maybe it was a mistake and we should've held off on it."
"Why do you say that? The kids are so much happier now and so am I." He added.
I finally glanced at him. "And what about me? What about my happiness? Being a mother doesn't mean I have to sacrifice my own happiness for every single person around me."
"I thought you wanted to get back together. You told me that 2 weeks ago what changed?"
I didn't respond. He sighed.
"Ellie." He sat up and took my hand in his. "I told you-
"I know what you told me Jin." I cut him off. "I just, we're not just thinking about ourselves now Jin. We have kids now to think about." I reminded.
He nodded. "And? What are you trying to say?"
"I'm trying to say that what happens if we get into another argument and you do something out of line and our kids see? Minseok is gonna look up to you and learn from you how to treat his future partner and yuna is gonna learn from you and see how you treat me and learn from that and think that is how other guys are supposed to treat her and what kind of example would I set as her mother if I let it slide?"
