Holding On To A Promise

Chapter Three

The ride home was almost silent but full of excitement. The shifting of their eyes to one another, the feel of his hand on hers and the smile that was tatooed across both of their faces. These were the little things that had Sanem filled with happiness. She had accepted his offer for dinner the next evening, but she wasn't for sure how her mother and dad would react to it. Mevkibe had been more than cool to Can at Leila and Emres wedding, throwing daggers at Sanem with every look. Sanem knew this would probably be a battle within the family. But if there was one thing she had learned in the past year, it was her own strength, her own heart, and her own desire to live her life the way that made her happy. The talk with her mother about Can would definitely have to come sooner then later..

As Can stopped the car in front of her house, that anxiety of parting from her, if even for a single night, had already crept inside of him. He didn't want to let her go, he always seemed to be saying goodbye to her. " Sanem, I want you to stay with me, I want you to just sit here in the car with me all night." He spoke, as he touched her face. That scar that ran down her cheek hurt him more than anything in the world, just knowing that he had been the cause of it. He traced it with his finger, he felt the pain of it deep down in his heart. Sanem smiled and spoke softly, " Can it wasn't your fault, I just wasn't paying attention as I crossed the street. Maybe I was distracted, but it was my fault for not looking." He nodded, but knew the cause would be his to bear. 

The last thing Sanem wanted was his pity. If that was what she meant to him then she didn't want this relationship. She pulled away, looking into his eyes, " Can is the accident the reason for your feelings for me. Do you feel guilty and think you need to take care of me, be honest with me." The look in her eyes scared him. " Guilty?.....yes, I feel guilty for the words that I spoke to you that night. The words that have haunted me for months, the words that I wish I could take back but can't, that's what I feel guilty about. The fact that I hurt you so badly by not listening to you, that was something I promised I would do, always. But I didn't......So yes, I am guilty." He looked away as his eyes filled with tears, hoping she wouldn't see the fear that gripped his heart. 

" I won't tolerate your pity, if that's what this is." She stated. She turned his head to look in his eyes. What she saw was a man that was just as hurt as she had been, just as vulnerable and destroyed by the pain. " My God Sanem, I don't pity you, I pity myself for all the time we missed together. These scars only hurt me because they hurt you. What I did to us is something I won't ever forgive myself for." He told her as he kissed her hand. She knew his heart was aching and it was time for them both to heal and put this all behind them. 

"Ok, "  she stated, changing the subject to a more happier one, " Let's just move on. So tomorrow I get off a 5:00 and you plan on picking me up, right." She spoke, her voice sounding like her old self again. " You remember where Metins office is don't you, and if Metin is there, maybe you both can clear the air a bit." She told him, eager for that to happen. Can shook his head, " Yes, that would be good, and I will be there before 5:00. Anything special you would like for dinner?" He asked, as the excitement built inside him. Sanem tilted her head to one side, "Hmm, no I think I will let you surprise me. Whatever you make will be wonderful I'm sure." She replied, tapping him on the nose. She laughed as she opened the door to step out, " Wait, just 5 more minutes, please." He begged, as he reached for her arm. 

She turned to him quickly, " I remember that time when you kept asking me to stay 5 more minutes, until we both woke up on the hammock with the sun in our eyes." Her eyes twinkled with delight as she reminiscened about that time in their life. He hung his head, " Yes, I remember all to well, I would have said or done anything to keep you with me, especially that night. You had just told me that you hadn't been with Levant, that you didn't even get in the car with him. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my heart." He replied as he met her eyes. She could see the hurt that still lived there, the fear that all these memories brought to him. He continued, " The thought of you being with another man was probably the worst torture that I have ever endured,  so to hear that you didn't leave with him that night, well you don't know how relieved I was." His eyes were soft and inviting as he begged for her company.

She smiled at him, wanting nothing more than to stay right there with him, relishing the thought of being near to him, ...but that was the way the old Sanem thought, the Sanem that was so easily swayed by him, so easily acceptant of what he wanted. " That would be nice Can, but I have work tomorrow and it's already quite late, so maybe another time. But I will see you for dinner, right."  She replied, feeling the excitement quiver inside her... He nodded, reluctantly but he knew she had made up her mind to take everything slow, so he would have to accept it and go along with it. This time he wouldn't fall into that pit of insecurity, his heart would surrender to her, listen to her, and most of all understand her..

He watched as she unlocked the door of her house and went in, stopping to wave at him before she closed the door. He smiled at her, returning the wave. His heart already missing her, his mind already wishing for tomorrow to come as she closed the door. For a second he was transported back to the night after the presentation, and he had told her she was his love. How happy they were, how relieved he was to finally put an end to the "just friends" charade. But now here they were after all this time, still trying to find each others soul. He pulled away from her house and started home, how tired he was of leaving her, how tired he was of missing her, how sorry he was for not seeing how much she had loved him.....

Principles, pride, loneliness, all these things were what made Can who he was. But now he knew that Sanem was the only person that had forced him to face these imperfections...

She had made him see the other side of Can......the side that loved, the side that needed, the side that wanted to accept. 

He kinda liked that Can.......