Holding On To A Promise

Chapter Four

As he walked in his door that feeling of loneliness and emptiness hit him, just as It had while he was gone. That gnawing desire to touch her, feel her, smell her, was all that he could feel. He poured a whiskey and walked to the back yard, stretching out on the sofa. His heart wasn't near as happy as it had been a few hours before when he came home and saw her sitting there on  the lawn. He couldn't turn off his thoughts, every minute that had meant something to him had been associated with her. It seemed that he had just found his life and started to live because of her and now he would have to start over. But at least he knew his mistakes, he knew what he had done wrong so he would be sure and not make follow that path again. The whiskey felt warm as it ran down his throat, it made him winch just a bit at the feeling.  It had been a while since his last drink, and the effects would come quickly if he wasn't careful. He slid down on the sofa, stretching his legs out and closing his eyes. He smiled as the vision of her filled his head, she was always there, just a thought away.

Sanem had tried to quietly escape to her room, but that wouldn't be the case. She had barely closed her bedroom door when her mother opened it again, without even a knock. "Sanem, where did you go, you have been gone for hours, and you didn't answer your phone." Her eyes were squinted as she stood there waiting for an answer. At that moment Sanem fell back into that old habit of wanting to lie about where she had been, she felt the same need to cover up what was going on. The thought of telling her mom that she had been with Can made her heart palpatate, but why, she was 25 years old, mostly independent as far as financially, had been through more than most women should ever have to go through, so why should she hide the only love that she had ever known. Mevkibe stepped toward her, " You've been with him haven't you. I expect an answer Sanem, have you been with Can?"  Her voice sounding low and demanding. Sanem turned to face her mother, " Yes Mom I have been with Can, please let's not make it an issue." Mevkibe closed her eyes and took a deep breath, " Is that why you refused Omers offer of marriage, did Can give you all sort of promises to make you stay here." She spoke. Sanem winched at her words, knowing how hard this was going to be. " No mother, Can is not the reason I refused Omer, I didn't love Omer and I never will love him." She replied, standing firmly against her mother.

Mevkibe's eyes soften as she look at her daughter, " My daughter please don't make another mistake. One, or maybe two mistakes can be justified, but after that it is just being foolish and blind. Can is a very charming man, one that is use to getting his way, but don't let him influence your thoughts." She told her, stroking her hair. Sanem stepped away, " Mom, I am no longer a child, and Can did not influence me. Just because he was gone all that time doesn't mean that I forgot him, or fell out of love with him. I still have my feelings for him, my heart is still full of love for him." She spewed, throwing up all of her defenses. How she wished she had stayed with Can, then she wouldn't have to explain herself to her mother. Her mother never understood why she hung on to those feelings of Can. Why she couldn't just move on and make a life with Omer. 

Mevkibe had really tried to understand Sanem and Cans relationship, but all she could see was the hurt that they continually caused each other. " Sanem, my dear, I'm only trying to keep you from being hurt again. Do you think that Can is capable of staying in one place long enough to make you happy, just think about it for a bit. When he walks away again you may not survive the consequences of another broken heart." She told her, the words penetrating her heart. She turned away from the prying eyes of her mother, she didn't want her to see the wetness in her eyes, see that those exact thoughts had already entered her mind. " Mother we both have made a commitment and we both have the same feelings for each other. Mom, I can't live without him,  I can't breath without him, I simply can't exist without him. Please don't make me hurt you with my decision, just try and be open to it." She reached for the mothers hand, searching for her acceptance. 

The ping from her phone alerting her of a text broke the moment, " Go ahead Sanem, answer his text, but just be sure you know what you are getting into, prepare your heart for it." She patted her daughters hand, closing the door as she left. Leaving her there alone to think about what she had said. She closed her eyes, she just wanted all those words from her mom to go away. She had already thought about all of that, she had told herself the very same things.

 She looked at the text...

" I don't think I can do it.....i can't wait until tomorrow to see you." 

She smiled, those were her thoughts exactly, as she returned the text..

" Yes you can, but I feel it too. This will make us stronger.."   Send.

She waited for his reply....

" You're right, as always. I'll be there at 5:00 tomorrow, and not a minute late" .....

She held the phone against her chest, " Please God, let me have the strength to love him, please let me have the strength....

He watched the stars twinkle, it made them look like they were moving, dancing about in the sky. He had watched these same stars in the sky a few months before and a thousand miles away, praying that she still loved him. Now here he was, still watching the stars and praying for her to come to him. The thought of her from earlier that evening went saw her sitting there on the lawn, warmed his heart, made him full of hope. He had made a lot of mistakes in this relationship but he didn't intend to make another one. He pulled her scarf from his pocket, though it was battered and had been mended from the tear that happened to it on that mountain in Sri Lanka, he carried it as if it was the most precious thing in the world. To him it was....

He looked at the stitches that had bound the fabric back together, thinking how similar this scarf was to their relationship. How symbolic this scarf was of his love for her...

All though their love had been torn, ripped apart by unforeseen obstacles, it could and would be mended. Each stitch meant the millions of times he had thought of her, the many times he had regretted the words he said.....

But still.....they were bonded together to make one.....In heart and soul..