Right in Front of Me

black butterflies and déjà vu

***TW*** harry has a panic attack in this chapter. i have anxiety and this was the best way i could explain my own anxiety attacks in words... so i hope it makes sense. obviously everyone's are different!

also harry has some really confusing feelings in this chapter. i'm gonna be real with you this version of harry, my version of harry, is me tbh. i didn't mean to, but i've kind of made him a lot like me and so his journey through his sexuality and just like... his own feelings... it's just things i've felt. so these feelings in this chapter are very real feelings that 11 year old me... felt. lol. i also wrote james and lily as how i wish my parents dealt with my anxiety and my coming out stuff. just living vicariously you know...

anyways, my point is that it's not triggering, at least in my opinion, but he's kind of figuring out he may not be straight... ya feel?
anyways!!! enjoy! :)

•
•
•

What, what would you say
if you could say everything you needed to,
to the one you needed to.

The next few weeks past in a whirlwind. Harry was more stressed than he ever remembered being. He couldn't think straight, he couldn't sleep, could barley eat. This fight with Draco was tearing him apart inside. The only thing that made him feel slightly better was that Neville said Draco was feeling the same way. They saw each other at their detention for Snape, but luckily he had them doing separate assignments, so they only saw each other briefly.

You see, when you have two stubborn 11-year-old boys... it's hard to tell who's bound to break first. Harry knew that he wanted to apologize... but he feels like he's always the one to apologize and truth be told? He was still very pissed at Draco... On top of the fight with Draco he has the psycho Death Eaters who probably want to kill him to worry about too... so that's fun for him.

Thankfully Christmas break starts tomorrow, so he can finally spend more than a few hours in the weekend with his dad. The only thing he wasn't looking forwards to was their annual Christmas Eve party... because Draco would come like he did every year. Harry tried to only focus on getting to see his dad, Ephie, Sirius and Marley. It's going to be good he thought. Drama free and no worries.

"You got everything, mate?" Ron asked him as Harry closed his trunk. "Got The Map?" Harry patted his shirt pocket and nodded.

"Yup. Got everything I need." He said, pulling his trunk up and beginning to head towards the door.

"Everything?" Ron asked. Harry turned back at him, confused.

"Er... yeah? C'mon Ron." Ron walked over to Harry's bedside table and picked up his wand that was just sitting there.

"Sure you don't want this?" Ron said, snickering and holding up his wand. Harry turned red and snatched it from Ron and walked out of their room.

"Shut up." He muttered.

"I swear you'd forget you head if it wasn't attached." Ron said, following him out of the room.

The first thing Harry did when he got home was collapse onto his bed. The one at Hogwarts is comfortable enough, but there's just something about your own bed. Then he heard tiny footsteps and giggling and he rolled his eyes. Ephie was going to try to scare him and she popped in and yelled "Gotcha!" Harry pretended to be scared and ran over and picked her up.

"You got me, Ephs!" He shouted flipping her onto his back. She was giggling madly and Harry jogged into the kitchen where his dad and mum were sitting on the couch. James stood up and grabbed Ephie from Harry's back and plopped her onto the couch. Lily tickled her and James grabbed Harry and hugged him. He didn't want to seem lame, but James Potter was just such an easy person to love. And luckily, he was his dad. James squeezed him so tight that Harry was sure he might break in half and he hugged him back.