Forget Me Not✔️

Ready or Not

You weren't sure exactly how long it had taken to fill your suitcase or how much time you had spent in the shower that morning. You weren't sure how you had decided on your current outfit or whether or not you had already eaten breakfast. What you did know, however, was that the knot in your throat was really starting to annoy you and that it probably wasn't normal to feel like your heart had relocated to the pit of your stomach. Your brain had been set on autopilot from the moment your alarm had gone off this morning and some small, nearly inaudible voice in the back of your head was telling you that it was surely a good time to consider turning it off soon.

Last night played like a movie in your head, complete with your own compilation of slow, somber songs. Filled with soft touches and tender kisses, gentle caresses and whispered promises, you tucked it safely into a drawer where you could watch it over and over at your leisure. But with the sweet always comes the sour, and you could feel melancholy settling heavily over your bones like an unwelcome weighted blanket that was too hot. It had been one of the best nights of your entire life and the sun had to come and ruin it. No, not ruin. Just end.

Because the fact of the matter was that you were leaving today. You were leaving today and you couldn't move properly. You couldn't even decipher which article of clothing in your hands belonged to you or your best friend, who was reaching under the bed for an almost forgotten sock. Neither of you had spoken a word to each other yet. You didn't mind, you had yet to reestablish the ability to form a sentence. But silence tended to make her uncomfortable and you knew that someone had to break it eventually. As she padded to the bathroom to make sure she had gotten all of her toiletries, you cleared your throat.

Making sure to raise your voice so that she could hear you, you asked casually, "So, um, do you think that you and Hoseok are going to continue to see each other?" She hadn't really talked to you much about her relationship with him or how serious it may or may not be, so you weren't sure if this was even a question you could ask or what her reaction would be. You heard nothing for a minute, and you could tell that she had stopped rummaging around in her shower bag.

Finally, she replied, "No. Probably not."

That was surprising to you, though it shouldn't have been. Summer vacation flings practically never went beyond just that, so you and Namjoon were probably an exception to the norm. As far as you had heard, this thing with her and 'Hobi' was just casual, no-strings attached fun. But you had known Nova for as long as your memory goes and something about this nonchalance didn't sound sincere.

"Really? Why do you say that?"

Something clunked loudly into her bag, like she had thrown it down in anger. "Can we just not talk about this right now? I'm trying to pack." She snapped and you flinched. That wasn't like her. She was never angry with you. Not when you got drunk and pushed her into the river. Not when you had spilled green tea on the camera she had saved a year's wages to afford. Not even when you had totaled her car. Not...ever. You shouldn't push her, especially since she always told you everything and if she didn't want to talk this time, you should leave her alone.

But when she came back into the room and crossed the space in a few quick strides, the worry that set in had you ignoring what you should or shouldn't say. "Nova..."

"Look it's no big deal. We had our fun. But things were starting to get complicated and it was started to drive a wedge between him and Kookie and there was just so much arguing all the time and I'm just," she sighed and her head and shoulders slumped, "I'm tired, ya know? It stopped being fun, that's all. And when fun stops being fun. . ." She trailed off and shrugged, not bothering to finish the thought.

You started at that first part. You had heard nothing about Jungkook being involved. He had come over the other day and that had yet to really be explained, but how little did you really know about the things going down this past week? "Wait, hold on, does Jungkook have feelings for you, too?!" She shook her head instantly and waved her hands frantically about. "No, no, nothing like that. He just doesn't think that Hoseok and I are good for each other and honestly, I don't think it's a good idea to dedicate my time to a relationship that isn't ready."

You were so very confused, and she was giving you so little to go off of. There was more. There was a mountain of details bubbling behind her lips dying to make their way to the surface if they only knew how. It was as if you were given scraps ripped from a book you hadn't gotten to read and told not to worry about the ending. The questions were making your head hurt and the protectiveness was eating you alive. But you had the feeling that she had talked enough, so much that she was no longer interested in doing so. And that was okay. For now.

You stood silently and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She grabbed your free arm and pulled it to her chest, squeezing with both of her long-fingered hands. You stayed that way until a lot of the tension had left her body and she let you go. She gave you an appreciative look accompanied by a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. As she bent to zip up her duffel bag, her new grin was much more genuine. "What about you and Prince Charming? Do I hear wedding bells in your future?"

You shook your head and chuckled as you got back to what you were doing, mindlessly checking the outlets and under the beds, tables, and chairs. "I wouldn't go that far. I honestly don't know. It's a huge distance, and the time difference alone-"

"Obstacles." She was looking at you now and there was a seriousness there that you rarely saw in your friend. "Those are just obstacles. The thing you need to be asking is whether or not they're deal breaking ones. Are they?"

You chewed on the inside of your cheek. Are they? No, they aren't. Under normal circumstances, they would be. But what you felt for Namjoon didn't feel normal, because he wasn't normal. More importantly, he didn't make you feel normal. And that alone was worth holding onto. She was still staring at you, but her smile widened and turned softer at your lack of a response. "I thought so."

Your conversation the day before with Namjoon hadn't really resulted in a decision on what you were going to do about said obstacles. There was a big chance that this was going to be one of the hardest things you had ever done. But it would be harder to try and forget and even harder to move past. As you finished packing and setting your things by the door, you daydreamed about video chat sessions, international phone plans, and putting money back for occasional trips until your phone dinged. He was here.

Ready or not . . .