Bloodflower

Chapter 37

Adderstar lost a life, and it's my fault.

This thought stalked Dawnpaw like a fox stalking a rabbit as she trudged back to camp alone. What if that had been Adderstar's last life? SunClan's leader would have died right in front of her, a medicine cat who was supposed to make sure that didn't happen. The Clan never would've been able to forgive her, and Grayleaf would have hated her.

Well, she still hates me anyways.

The memory of Grayleaf's fury towards Dawnpaw was still fresh in her mind. Her blue eyes had burned straight through her, and her tone had been sharper than a fox's fangs. She hadn't wanted to listen to a word Dawnpaw had to say.

I messed everything up. I disobeyed Grayleaf, and I couldn't even save one cat, let alone treat as many as I should have. Why did I ever sneak out of camp?

Even if she hadn't been there, the turnout would have been the same. Nothing she'd done had changed anything.

If Grayleaf had been there, there's no way she would have let Adderstar die.

Then Dawnpaw thought of something: if her mentor had agreed with her plan to travel to the battlefield and treat cats there, then Adderstar would have gotten treatment immediately. Plus, it wouldn't have just been Dawnpaw. Grayleaf would have been there too, and because there were two cats they would have had enough herbs, instead of having warriors get what they needed. And none of this would have happened!

But Dawnpaw couldn't bring herself to be mad at Grayleaf. The only cat she could be mad at was herself. After all, she had been one of the cats who supported the battle that got Adderstar killed. She had chosen to disobey her own mentor, thinking she would be able to help her Clanmates. But instead she came completely unprepared, and it had cost her leader one of his lives. If she had done anything, it was making things worse than before.

Dawnpaw sighed defeatedly. I suppose there's no point in sulking right now, she decided. I'd better do what Grayleaf asked before she has another reason to yell at me.

When she entered the camp through the fern tunnel, she found the clearing packed full of anxious cats. They turned to look at her as soon as she came in, and looked surprised.

Beestripe bounded up to her, looking stern. "Grayleaf says you weren't supposed to leave camp. She had to go out looking for you. What in StarClan's name were you thinking?"

Dawnpaw didn't feel like explaining her reasons for sneaking away. Not when no cat wanted to understand. Instead she meowed, "Adderstar lost a life. Grayleaf and the rest of the patrol are on their way back with him. They should be here soon."

Beestripe blinked, looking shocked. "Is he alright now? What about the rest of the patrol?"

"Every other cat isn't too badly hurt. But Grayleaf needs to treat Adderstar in her den. So excuse me, but I should really go get everything ready for her."

Relieved that she had found some way to end the conversation, Dawnpaw turned away abruptly and headed for the medicine den. She ignored the questioning looks that her Clanmates gave her as she passed.

Somehow she wasn't startled or surprised to find Violetsky waiting for her inside. The StarClan spirit was sitting beside the herb store with an unreadable gaze.

Dawnpaw didn't have the energy to feel angry at her starry friend. She couldn't even meet her eyes. Instead, she simply ignored her and padded over to the remainder of the herbs that Grayleaf had laid out.

Adderstar's wound is pretty big. We'll need some fresh cobwebs, and more marigold since we have no goldenrod. Perhaps some poppy seeds, too, in case he's still in pain when he wakes up...