Lost and Insecure

Chapter 12

"Meredith, you have to be brave for me, okay? Wait until I close my eyes before you call for help." Ellis Grey said, looking at her 5 year old daughter with a scalpel grasped tightly in her hand.

"What are you doing mommy?" 5 year old Meredith grey responded. "I have failed, Meredith. Be extraordinary." Ellis said before slicing her right wrist, then her left.

Helplessly, Meredith watched as the pool of blood expanded around her mother. Meredith was frozen in place.

She snapped out of it before grabbing the phone and dialing 911. "911, how can I help you?" A dispatcher asked into the phone.

"My mommy tried to kill herself." Meredith whispered.

Meredith was being carried out of the ambulance as Ellis was wheeled in quickly. "You are so brave. You saved your mommy. You're going to talk to this kind lady, okay?" A nurse said sweetly.

Meredith would've responded had she hasn't been so terrified. She walked with the nurse as she picked up by another lady.

Next thing little Meredith knew, she was in a group home with other kids. Bigger, older kids. And she was terrified.

Meredith woke up with a jolt and looked around. Derek got up from the couch and came quickly over to her. "Meredith. What is it?" Derek asked, touching her arm.

Meredith flinched away and looked at him, panting heavily and shaking like she did with thatcher. "Hey, hey, it's me, it's Derek. You're okay." He said softly.

"De-k." Meredith shuddered, pulling him over the edge of the bed. Derek took this as his cue and climbed into bed and wrapped his arms around her.

"It's okay. You're safe. It's okay." He murmured into her ear, not having a clue as to what caused this.

"N-no." Meredith panted, her mind still reeling from the memory. "Hey, you have to breath. Your okay. It's just me." Derek said, putting his hand gently on her chest in between her breasts.

"In and out, Breath with me." He guided.

Eventually, Merediths breathes returned to normal. "What happened?" Derek asked gently. "Mare-night." Meredith whispered.

"You had a nightmare?"

Meredith nodded. "About what?" He questioned. "M-memory."

"About?" Derek urged. "M-mom. Cut." Meredith shuddered. "Your mom cut?" He asked, confused and concerned.

"K-kill her. Wrists cut." She tried to explain.

"Your mom tried to Kill herself? By cutting her wrists?" Derek asked. Meredith nodded and grabbed dereks hand tighter.

"Me saw." She whispered. "You watched?" Derek asked in horror. "Me saw. 5." Meredith repeated.

"Oh, Mer. I'm so sorry you had to see that. What-what can I do make it better?" He asked softly, holding her in his arms tightly.

"Me hold. You....safe." Meredith replied.

"Okay. I can hold you. I won't leave, try to get some sleep, it's early. I love you." Derek whispered into her ear.

"Luh you." She responded sleepily.

A little while later, Derek found himself not able to fall asleep. His mind was still reeling at what Meredith just confessed.

Ellis Grey. The Ellis Grey, world renowned surgeon, tried to kill herself. Right in front of her 5 year old daughter. Meredith never said anything about it, but he doesn't blame her for that.

A knock at the door turned his head. Richard Webber walked in with a passive expression on his face. "Hey." He said. "How's she doing?" Richard asked.

"She's okay." Derek responded. "Can I ask you something?" He asked after a moment. "Sure." Richard answered.

"Did you....did you know Ellis tried to kill herself when Meredith was a kid?" Derek asked quietly. The look on Richards face instantly told Derek the answer.

"She....what?" Richard breathed.

"She tried to kill herself. Right in front of Meredith. Slit her wrists." Derek replied, still trying to wrap his mind around it.

"I...I didn't know. Ellis and I....when was this?" The older man asked. "Meredith said she was 5." He said. "Oh god....I had no idea. I...I had no idea." Richard repeated.

"How did...she never told me." Richard said.

"She had a nightmare, I'm guessing the memory came back. I'm going to talk to her physical therapist about memory today." Derek explained.

After a moment of silence, Richard spoke. "Well, I just, uh, wanted to check in. I'll talk to you later." He said before leaving the room.

Derek paged cristina to the room and switched places with her so he could go talk to grace. Later today, she was meeting with Peter.

"Hey grace. Can I talk to you for a moment?" Derek asked, finding her walking in the halls. "Yes. Is everything alright?" Grace asked with a hint of concern in her tone.

"Yeah, yeah." Derek breathed as entered a conference room. "What is it?" Grace asked. "What's Merediths memory like? Like from yesterday, what did you gather?" Derek asked.

"Well, as I said earlier, she remembers the big things. You two being married, cristina, her job, all of that. The more recent things. We haven't gotten very far in figuring out memories from the past." Grace explained.

"What brought this on?" Grace asked. "Last night, she- she had a really bad nightmare. Or she gained the memory in her sleep. I don't really know. It was...she had a hard time going back to sleep after it." Derek explained.

"That's common for patients with TBI's. There's not much we can do about it, though. Did you know about whatever memory it was?" Grace asked.

"No. I didn't know how to help her." He responded.

"And we can't help her with that. If we don't know the Memories we don't know what she's really thinking and such. All you can do is comfort her and help her calm down and be there for her." She said.

"Okay." Derek breathed.

"It's not your fault, Derek. This is just a bump in the road. Don't worry." Grace said softly.

Hey guys!! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and hope your all doing well. If you guys have any suggestions for future chapters feel free to drop them! Thank you all for reading!