Miles from Normal - Lando Norris

Introduction - Meet Alice

Alice was sitting in the local pub, trying to figure out what to do with her life. Having just lost her job and with no prospects of finding a new one anytime soon. She was highly qualified, academically speaking, but still, she was an emigrant in a foreign land.

She sighed as she sipped on the large glass of pinot grigio she ordered, knowing fully well that she probably wouldn't be able to afford it. It had been a hell of a journey to find a new job during a pandemic while trying to pay rent and bills. She couldn't go back home, because travel wasn't allowed, and she really didn't want to go back to her very dysfunctional family. It seemed to be no alternative, however, than to beg her parents for some money, and just rent a room in some stranger's house. Life in London was far from being cheap and she had already burned through all her savings to try and stay afloat.

It was 5 pm and she was holding her phone, dialing her parents' home number, back in small Madeira Island, just to immediately hang up. She reminisced about moving to London and her parent's warnings. They told her all over again that she wouldn't make it on her own, that she would regret that decision. "Alice, you need to stay where you were born. Find a good man. Get married. Have kids. Buy a house." Yes, it sounds insanely old-fashioned to even think something like that, but Alice's mother really believed in that. Her father just didn't care enough to have an opinion. Against all odds, she succeeded in life outside the little island that saw Alice grow up.

She snapped a quick photo of her glass of wine, to post something inspirational on Instagram. That was her talent anyway. Create stories, even if they were not very real, for others. She didn't consider herself an influencer, however, she had gained a share of followers on social media. If only they knew she was about to pop a button open on her shirt to pay for that glass of wine. Turns out a having firm bosom also helps! "Friyay", she captioned the photo. Cliché, she knew, but it did the deed and it seemed like she was having the time of her life, in that pub in a shady part of London.

What you don't know about Alice, was that she had had her fifteen minutes of fame, when she infamously told a very famous judge, in a singing competition show, to eff off, during a live show. That moment, about 5 years ago, amassed her quite a following and, even though, she wasn't in the spotlight anymore, people still had some interest and curiosity in her life. She didn't pursue her dream of singing anymore. She was decent at it, but the spotlight was something she couldn't handle very well. She went on to become a celebrity PA, working for an agency that managed mainly boy bands. Apparently, being sassy on live TV did have its perks. It was a fine job and gave her the opportunity to travel more, have her own place and meet new people, one of them being the man she thought she would marry.

She touched her finger, where an engagement ring used to be. It was now just a tan line that still hadn't faded. Jean-Pierre, or JP as he was known in England, a self-entitled food critic and wine "connoisseur", turned out to be a bartender, a typical French man, with over-the-top romantic gestures that would sweep her off her feet and, a dickhead who constantly cheated, without the latter knowing, of course. He proposed in Paris; she felt like Carrie Bradshaw. They moved in together and made plans for the wedding and how many children they would like to have. It was a life that excited Alice because she wanted stability and JP seemed to be it. Ironically, it was the life that Alice's mother wanted for her all along. It all came crashing down during lockdown. He was careless for the first time, and she noticed a tinder message pop up on his phone. When she questioned him, what was that all about, he broke down like the apple crumble sitting on the kitchen counter. She, violently, grabbed the phone from him and found all sorts of devious activities. From tinder to WhatsApp messages, sliding into Instagram models 'dms' and a ton of unsolicited dick pics. He cried, told her that he had never felt so loved and that was confusing to him. He promised he would change. She slapped him with a baguette, literally a baguette that he had bought, and stormed out. If it wasn't all so tragic, that scene would have been hilarious.