underneath the lights || hsmtmts

is this the end of all the endings | ricky x nini

{author's note; this was another ao3 request and goodness gracious does it HURT. have fun besties. this is basically like- a potential version that i know we're not gonna get even close to for the rini breakup on friday.}

this couldn't be happening again... ricky had said that he would never break up with nini ever again just a few months earlier, but now here they are, sitting in their old tree house, and ricky knows exactly where things are headed.

"well ricky, it's a breakup now."

those words had hurt more than he'd expected, especially when he had thought they were okay. in retrospect, he very much should have known better than to think she'd be totally cool after not talking at all through the summer once he'd basically (at least from her perspective) dumped her out of nowhere. right when she'd finally confessed her love for him too... yeah he'd messed up big time back then.

he remembers how happy and lovesick they were for a while... how hurt he had felt when she blurted out she was leaving for denver, the very next day even. but he'd been clear, he wanted to stay with her. it hurt, doing long distance without any sort of warning, but he had fallen so deeply in love that it didn't matter how much it hurt to see her walk out that door.

valentine's day was a disaster in so many ways, and though the end of the night had a sweet mixup that turned into sweet butterflies, he missed her without question. they were in so sync, just in the wrong ways... but she had to go back to school, until she didn't. he remembers miss jenn dropping her off in front of his dad's new apartment, and his beautiful girlfriend running out to his door. the kiss, gosh the kiss... that was perfect, was everything.

things went downhill from when she returned. they had some really nice moments, but honestly, ricky's home life only kept getting more and more draining on his psyche, and everyone started seeing the effects, just not understanding why he was so on edge. he apologized to miss jenn, and she actually listened to him... no one else really seemed willing to listen right now.

nini was his everything, his home, and he'd do anything not to lose her again, especially when everything was being ripped away from him with his family. he couldn't take losing her too... but she had her own things, her music, so even as he reached out to her, supported her, told her he missed her when they were apart, he understood that maybe she didn't always have time to answer him.

except what he didn't get was that she just was sick of his overly invested behavior, but she hadn't told him... so how could he have known? she didn't spend much time talking about what he had going on at home, besides the little things he'd mention. he doesn't feel like he can open up to her, she has a bigger life than he does. if he had confided in her and she had confided in him, maybe things would've been easier... he could've found his reassurance she's not leaving him again some other way...

but they didn't talk about it, instead she wrote that song... that song that would've disqualified them from the competition their classmates needed so badly to win. that song that he'd been so excited for her for. he thought she was the most talented person in his life. he really and truly did love her, and he loved that she was glowing, but at the end of the day, lily was right about the lyrics.

nini hated him for apparently putting her in a cage... and when he tried to have a conversation about it, she'd immediately blown him off... it was a lie when she said it was just a song, she had told kourtney not to let ricky know about it for that very reason. it didn't fit the show because it wasn't about the rose and the beast, it was about nini and ricky... she tried to make him think he was being ridiculous, and maybe it was because she wanted it to be true... but it wasn't.

nini needs to find her independence, something she's been working on since they broke up the first time. it seems the lesson just hasn't stuck, even as her very best friend lives that lesson every single day. she has yet to realize that being independent and being in a relationship are not diametrically opposed, but kourtney is still working on that too. communication could have likely fixed this before it came to a point where the complicated status of their relationship became internet famous, but it was a little too late for that.