Love, Moony

Insomnia and unfortunately Severus Snape

Lily
Remus
Sirius
James
tw: talk about self harm and homophobia

August 31st, 2020
11:06 pm

Remus: I can't sleep
Remus: fuck
Remus: You're probably asleep but you told me to text you whenever and my anxiety is really bad right now and shit
Remus: I want to do things but I also know that I hate when I do those things and fuck
Remus: I hate my brain

(five minutes later)
Remus: fuck I hate my brain
Remus: I did the fucking thing
Remus: fuck why can't I just be normal?

Rose: hey i'm here sorry
Rose:...what kind of things?

Remus: fuck
Remus: umm

Rose: you don't have to tell me if you don't want to

Remus: I...
Remus: shit, so I umm
Remus: I used to have a pretty bad self harm habit
Remus: And umm it's gotten better
Remus: But then the other day I relapsed and that's why I was gone
Remus: and shit
Remus: It feels like the only thing I can actually physically feel when I'm having a really bad anxiety episode
Remus: It's like the air is finally reaching my lungs when I do it during one of them, and I don't know why I do it because I hate it afterwards
Remus: The scars I mean
Remus: I just feel pathetic

Rose: but it's the only thing that grounds you when you're in an anxiety episode
Rose: I get it
Rose: you don't have to talk about it anymore if you don't want too

Remus: No my therapist says i should talk about it with my parents to help them understand why but uhhh that's not gonna happen so talking to you will have to do
Remus: Anyways, I'm really not looking forward to going to my new school tomorrow and I'm weird and different and everyone's going to judge me and I'm not really looking forward to that
Remus: and knowing that you go there too is actually terrifying because what if I meet you and I absolutely hate you, but I don't know it's you, and then we text and everything's great and I smile like a "fucking lovesick puppy", according to red, everytime you text me but then irl we hate eachother

Rose: umm i'm ninety five percent sure that I won't hate you unless you make friends with a greasy slytherin named Severus Snape and his friends
Rose: or you turn out to be like a psychopath
Rose: The odds of that happening are slim and we don't even know what will happen yet so we don't need to worry about it okay?
Rose: if it turns out we hate eachother irl then that sucks but if we do and we don't know that it's us online then there's no problem
Rose: it's not like we're meeting tomorrow
Rose: try not to worry about it too much okay?

Remus: I'm just scared

Rose: I know and you have every right to be
Rose: but i'm telling you
Rose: you're going to be fine
Rose: and whenever you want to cut or your anxiety gets super high just text me
Rose: chances are i'll reply

Remus: Thank you
Remus: And thank you for listening to my rant about everything
Remus: And for being understanding about it

Rose: we all have our pasts
Rose: try and get some sleep okay?
Rose: you'll want it if you're going to hogwarts

Remus: Really?

Rose: yea they make the first years row across the lake
Rose:...i may or may not have fallen in...