"Just Friends."

Chapter Thirty.

Chapter Thirty. 

            Analyzing my outfit in the mirror, I turned to slim out my long sleeved floral shirt to try and somehow convince myself that I’m ready for tonight. A month has gone by since I’ve seen or spoken to Justin and you’d think by now that I’d have my mind made up but I didn’t. My mind still wanted to hold onto the fact that if I can’t love myself first then how the hell am I supposed to give him what he deserves? The person he deserves is someone who is sure of themselves, someone who loves life and can give their complete all to him. I’m not dumb to the fact that he deserves better than me because he does. I’m a bitch. I’m indecisive and I overthink things all the time but I can’t change that so why in the world is he still waiting around for me?

            Casey and Scott were still going strong and every single time she came home she would tell me how lifeless he looked and I would send a silent prayer to God that night that he would just move on and that he’d find someone that would make him truly happy. Someone who could give him what he really wanted.

            The stories I’ve heard didn’t even seem like it was the same Justin. Like last week for example, Scott had a party and girls were throwing themselves all over him but he didn’t even react to them. Casey told me he told the girls that he had a girlfriend and it broke my heart that he still thought of us like that.

            To me, Justin is breakable. He’s like this perfect guy wrapped up in a little box and I didn’t want to do something stupid to ruin it. I didn’t want to break his heart because I’ve never had someone attached to me like this or be in love with me like this. I’ve never loved anyone like this and I have this constant feeling that I just want to go see him at night like I used to and crawl in beside him so we could talk about life and just everything going on in our minds in that exact moment. I miss him so much but I know things will end badly if we are together. I just know it so why am I going over to hang out with the guys tonight? I know he’s going to be there. It’s like I’m giving myself pain that’s unnecessary.

            “Damn.” Casey noted when she saw me. “Someone’s trying to get laid.”

            “No. I’m not trying to get laid; I’m just going over there to hang out with everyone. I haven’t seen them in forever, you know?”

            “Yeah. Especially Justin.”

            Then she folded her arms over her chest and sent me a smirk.

            “Casey I’m nervous enough as it is about seeing him. Does he know I’m even going over there with you?”

            “Probably not. Scott didn’t tell him I don’t think but you’re getting all nervous for nothing Reina. I mean honestly, why don’t you just give into your feelings and get back together with him already?”

            “Because he deserves better Casey!” I shot back, putting my brush back down onto the dresser. “You know he deserves better and in time he’s going to eventually realize that and he’ll leave me just like everyone else has.”

            “And I think you need to realize that not everyone is going to be like your parent’s.”

            My heart stopped as soon as the sentence left her lips and the tears flew up into my eyes all too quickly. I haven’t seen my parent’s in I don’t know how long but it’s an extremely touchy subject and Casey knew to never speak of them so why the hell did she bring them up? What she said was the truth, yes, but I didn’t want to focus on that right now. I would rather run away from the truth as much as possible.