Felt and Fell

Nine

Zoya

We're talking.
Aditya is literally sitting right next to me, talking to me while we drink hot chocolate in the cool breeze.
I might seem to get excited like a school girl around her crush because this is precisely that.

The sound of raindrops failed to dwindle our laughs.

"Yeah...that guy. I do remember him.." he continued on my mention of our cultural team and the squeaky 'manager' we had for the events. Yeah... squeaky IS the appropriate adjective for me, don't come at me.

“My granddad used to always say, ‘Even duct tape can’t fix stupid,’” he continued, bringing his mug to his lips

“Hmm. No. But it sure can muffle the sound.” I said like I've said almost everything that I have ever said, casually with a straight face but he
burst into laughter and almost choked on his drink.

"I like yout wit so much more when I ain't the brunt of it." He said, laughing.

You know, I never thought of it that way before that this man right here looks really... beautiful when he laughs. Ofcourse he is a good looking lad but when he laughs... It almost transforms his face into an entirely different man of joy.
His warm eyes, those cheeks that fold creating an illusion of a dimple...(I'm not sure if one can call it a dimple or not....his skin folds itself beautifully), and his posture. He laughs with his body.
I cleared my throat to drag my attention away from him.

That night, it pained a little lesser than before as I lied sleepless in the bed. Dhara and Kriti were already asleep while I was awake, distracted by my thoughts.

I felt like shit....a literal asshole who was excited to marry a guy just a few days ago, imagining family, kids and home, and life, and everything revolving around him and today she's so attracted to this new man.

I turned towards Dhara and had a huge urge to wake her up and vent it all out.
To tell her that I was a being clingy pushover to Sahir....tell her that we broke up and 'Zoya weds Sahir' ain't gonna happen at all...tell her that within the span of a week I have managed to be a greedy girl dreaming of a cheesy romantic trope to enter her life in the form of a Captain-pilot...tell her that all of this makes me feel like I am shallow and fickle...and tell her that I know she won't judge me...tell her to hug me.

I can't wake her up.... I was her to be in the peace that she is in right now. But I surely can hug her. I snuggled near her, she was sleeping facing her back at me, and wrapped my arms around her.

Dhara isn't much of a cuddler in sleep but whenever we've sleepovers I always cuddle no matter how irritating she finds it, and that's exactly the reason why I cuddle her.

She hates it but still holds me in sleep, just like right now.

I didn't know when I fell asleep.

The next morning was beautiful. Birds were chirping all around, the mountains covered with  clouds in this misty wheather and the houses painted in different colours made me feel like I was standing inside a painting as we walked on the rocks and stoops for the trek.

Aditya was walking ahead with Rajat and Shawn ...with people in between and then, there I was with Kriti. Maybe he wasn't too far, It just felt that way because of the amount of human beings that had occupied the space.

"My god... It's getting dirty..." A girl whined from behind me, I don't remember her name, looking at her shoes and her legs.

"It's okay Tanya... Now you can't do anything about it." Dia said in the purest tone of voice I've ever heard.

"My legs! DIA!! It's so gross...and itchy. Eww"

"Maybe, don't wear a short dress and sneakers for trekking." I swear I didn't mean to say that out loud, it just slipped off my tongue bringing eyes on me.
I, honestly, don't regret it. She's literally wearing something you'd wear for a cottage core, evening photoshoot on the beach.

Dhara nudged me but Tanya didn't react.

"She didn't hear me, chill.." I mumbled to her.

"What if she's too embarrassed to react?"

"So- rry..." I sighed.

We continued with the trek into the forest, it was tiring and refreshing at the same time.

"Take care here..." The guide instructed.
It was a heavy rainfall yesterday, the track wasn't that even.

"It's...huge." I huffed climbing up at the boulders fallen on our way in order to move forward.

J

ust before I could get on top of the biggest one, a hand stretched to me. I looked up, holding the hand and it was him.

He supported me to get on top of the boulder and then helped me down. For some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about the moment. I held his hand, it felt...I don't know...it felt like as if I had goosebumps. In my head it was longer than a matter of just a few seconds. Aditya's touch has a lingering effect on my hand.

He smiled at me softly as I walked further. May be it's, actually, not my gut feelings but just a fascination that I had for him in my head that made me think that he treated me differently, a special kind of different.
I could have crosses that boulder easily, he didn't HAVE to help me with that.
Maybe, he too wanted to hold my hand the way I wanted to.

Or maybe, I just want to believe that he wants to hold my hand.

Am I special for him? Like really?

I turned back to look at the boulder.

Question my head- Why was he not walking any further?

Answer in front of my eyes- He was helping everyone. Telling them that the rocks below were very irregular and could cause them to lose balance. Holding... everyone's hand.

Later was the truth, it's all just in my head. I am not the 'special' I thought I was.

I just wanted to believe that Aditya was helping me just like how Abeer was helping Dhara, he was concerned about me the same way...about just me, over everything and everyone else. Not comparing their love with our 'nothing'.... it's just that...I want to experience the same care too.

To have that feeling, that faith that when the next time I'd have to climb up a boulder...I would have a hand stretched out to me to support me...that hope that I won't be as lonely as I have been.

But then, I continue to look at Aditya. Who said chivalry was dead?

~~~

Thanks for reading ❤️