Felt and Fell

Sixteen

Aditya

This is another sleepless night today. Since past few days, I wasn't able to sleep because my heart  clenched inside my chest thinking about her. And tonight, sleep doesn't seem to come any near me because of how she has occupied my mind.

I just cannot forget the feeling of her lips on mine..and the way she didn't protest or even flinch when I picked her up...I want to thank her for letting me do that.  "Why would she still wear those shoes?" I thought to myself as I was sitting on the chair in my balcony.
I don't have my ginger tea tonight, at the coffe table beside me because I don't need it. The serotonin is probably helping my headache.

I was, maybe, right about perfect and gorgeous and stunning and cute women...just like the one and only Zoya possess the ability to cure headaches. Even if they arise due to lack of sleep.

If it was anything under my control, I would never let her walk her on her own. I can carry her around...I would love to do that...I have a physical urge to do that, right now. To hold her close.

She feels so...so soft and warm in my arms. I feel a shiver in my spine, thinking about her..her smell. She smells like heaven, some fascinating combo of flowers and jasmine and vanilla and—sandalwood, maybe? A man could get high on that fragrance.

I got distracted from my chain of thoughts because of a call...a much needed distraction otherwise I'd have to use the bathroom and that would make me feel like a nasty jerk. This woman is not even around..not even within the 1km radius of this area and she's turning me on.

Ridiculous.

I picked up my phone and saw 3 missed calls from Abeer. 3 missed calls!??...when the fuck did my phone rang thrice? And how the hell did I not notice it?

Did I, like actually zone out? Is Zoya...?... She's really fucking driving me out of my mind.

I answered the call.

"So??" I can clearly hear the mischievous excitement in his voice.

"So.."

"Speak up buddy...speak up...I am listening."

"It was...nice. To get to talk to her ..to ..you know....see her."

"Stop talking like a onse sided lover now, c'mon...You got a date with her!"

Just a date.
But I guess I need to do with just that, atleast for now.

"It was good. I mean.. honestly...And surprisingly I got to see her and that's actually something that I am glad about. I wasn't expecting much but I think she's confused. She fears that I will turnout to be a rebound and that's not something that she wants."

"Hmm...I get that she's very serious when it comes to relationships."

"She needs commitment, I believe."

"Can you?..Will you give her that?"

"I can't see myself being not able to give her that..Abeer...I..."  I paused. I don't think the L word should come out so soon but I want to give her all she wants from me... commitment, respect, time, effort, comfort, affection,..even space if she wants that... Everything... Every single fucking thing. I could even bring her the moon and those stars if she asked me to.

How?
Well...That's....a problem...but I wish I could.

"The fact that She's comfortable being honest about feeling you to be a rebound is a sign that probably you aren't. No one would admit such a thing. Especially not a girl...you know, girls do keep in mind that guys have a fragile ego...."

Well ..I cannot actually deny that. I was completely fine when she admitted her confusion but if I would have found about it later...it would have..not gonna lie ..hurt.

Remembering the pout on her lovely face when I said that I won't be in the city for sometime and the sparkle in her eyes when we decided on the dinner....it's making me feel giddy. I am glad that Abeer's on a voice call because I am smiling like an idiot. 

Smiling?..noo... I'm grinning. Ear to ear.

"You still there?" His voice made me stop on the 'control Adi' station of Zoya's 'Train of thoughts'.

"Hmm..yeah... Ofcourse... I agree..."

I said it too fast.

"Too fast..." He pointed out.

"Ahem...sorry.." I sighed.

"You better call her....My thesis on your personality tells me that you're going to be 'the stupid in love'." He laughed and I cut the call.

"Shut up..." But he is right.

I fell back on the bed, trying to find comfort. There's something burning in my chest. Impatiently and desperately...I mushed the bedsheet and lied on my stomach.

"I feel so empty." Digging my faces in on of the pillows, I grabbed another one and held it close. And as if this universe loves me, my phone rang.  But before I picked it up, the call was cut.

It was Zoya.
Zoya was calling me at this time. This is such a good feeling.
But she stopped within seconds.

And since I'd rather jump off a cliff than not listen to her voice... I'm desperate and needy like that...I called her back.

And within seconds she picked up.
I can bet on my life that she had her phone in her hands.

When for a moment she didn't say anything, I chose to be the one who breaks the silence.

"Hey."

"Hi"

"Why did you cut the call?"
C'mon Adi!! Don't ask her...

"Um..vo..I thought you might be sleeping. Did I...disturb?"

"No...not at all ..." I said it, maybe too eagerly "what are you even saying.." I mumbled. Who cares if I sound too eager for her attention, I got a soft laugh from her.

"I was thinking about you.." she said with a comfortable sigh, the type of sigh one does when one lies on the bed.

My heart flipped.

"Me too...." I said, sitting by the headboard of my bed.

"Really?"

"Do you seriously doubt that?"

"Yes..I mean...no...Vo..."

"Ssh... I'm always thinking about you."

"Adii..." she whined with a giggle.

She called me Adi.... she'd never called me Adi. The way her voice said -Adi- and not -Aditya- did things to me, to my head, to my chest.

~~~

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