Lily's Charm- Severitus fanfiction

After Elieen

1996

After Severus had taken care of the house-elf’s memory, he had listened from downstairs as a frantic Schminge found his Mistress convulsing on the library floor. He had allowed himself a small smile, as he heard Schminge apparating Eileen away with a loud crack, presumably to St. Mungo’s.

The thought of his mother spending the rest of her days in the care of the Healers was a distinctly pleasant one for Severus; he knew they would never find a way to reverse that particular curse. In fact, the Healers would not even be able to identify it, as it was Severus’ own creation.

After his mother and the house-elf had gone, Severus began to pace. Completely unfamiliar to him were the feelings of uncertainty coursing through him. Severus hadn’t felt anything like this in almost 15 years. He was not accustomed to not knowing what to do.

The boy he had left, staring at him, in the Potions classroom, was not James Potter’s son. Potter had not betrayed him. Lily…his precious Lily hadn’t found someone better. She had only been trying to protect Severus and her son. Their son. Not Potter’s son. His head began to spin with the reality of it; he had to sit down in one of his mother’s chairs before his legs gave out.

Severus could not grasp it. It was just too much. Damn his mother! Severus brought his fist furiously down on the arm of his chair. He could not do this. He would have no idea where to even begin. Perhaps he could act as though none of this had happened? But, would Severus be able to see the boy in his class twice a week and continue to simply glare and snap unfair punishments at him? But, it would be better for both of them that way…wouldn’t it?

The boy had obviously believed that all of Severus’ earlier rage had been directed at him. He clearly thought Severus did not want him; the feelings of rejection had been transparent in his eyes…Lily’s eyes. With a moan of grief, Severus brought his face down into his hands. He knew Lily would never forgive him if he chose this course.

But it is impossible, he wanted to plead with her.

Severus could not talk to the boy he’d left floundering in his classroom. The man cringed with the memory of Harry’s face when Severus had stepped into his classroom Floo. It had been like looking into a window from 15 years past, when he had stared in horror at little Harry as Severus Flooed away to his small cottage. With a jolt of surprise, Severus’ chest constricted. It was the same boy. Severus had known it of course, as soon as he’d seen Harry’s memories of Eileen’s treachery. But now…now, Severus saw it.

Potter was the same boy who had shared his half-chewed biscuits with Severus. He was the same boy who had laughed as he’d splashed Severus with sudsy bath water each night before bed. He was the same boy Severus had cradled in his arms only minutes after Lily had given birth. Severus was Harry’s father…he had always been Harry’s father, and Severus had spent 5 years hating his own son.

As Severus sat there in his mother’s house, he cursed Eileen, Peter Pettigrew and the creature called Voldemort. Harry would never forgive him. And Severus knew he didn’t deserve to be forgiven…not for this. And he knew too, as he sat there, his hands clenched together fitfully, that he could not even try. The Potions Master bowed his head and whispered, “Forgive me, Lily.” It was the best Severus could do.

He stood, with shaky legs, preparing to Floo back to Hogwarts. It would be four days before he had to see Harry again, if Severus took all his meals in his quarters. The thought relieved him, though the tightness in his chest remained as he reached for his mother’s glittery Floo Powder.