Lily's Charm- Severitus fanfiction

Unexpected

1996

He had to ask, no matter that he didn’t want to hear the answer. Severus didn’t look away. He held his gaze, and Harry appreciated him all the more. He knew that whatever his father was going to say would be inordinately painful, simply by the storm inside his black eyes, but he also knew that his father would say it anyway.

“I do not wish to give you false hope,” Severus began, his voice hard but Harry was encouraged by the tone. “The most likely outcome is that Voldemort will capture both of our souls.” Harry nodded as though in acceptance of a boring recitation—he knew all of this already. Severus considered him and Harry could feel the swoop of his father’s emotions even as he said carefully, “I suspect what you really desire to know is whether or not we will be stronger than death.”

Harry tried to stop his eyes as they were sliding themselves away. He felt a funny shame at his father’s words. As though there was something sinister about the wash of hope he couldn’t smother.

Severus forced himself to relax as he said carefully, “There is nothing wrong in your wish to remain hopeful.”

“My wish?” Harry repeated, almost in accusation as he stepped forward, his eyes sharp; whatever he’d been feeling only seconds ago, vanished completely. “What about you?” he demanded. “I can feel what you’re feeling, Dad, even though you’re trying to shut me out.” The hurt and confusion was like a cut to Severus as his son gazed at him. “You are giving up then?” Harry decided, the hurt intensifying in his eyes as it was magnified by his father’s own pain.

Severus drew a slow breath. “I believe I was,” he admitted with a small nod. “It was easier to believe you would be content beyond the veil than to deal with the grief I was experiencing.”

“If we’re separated from Voldemort, I will be content, though won’t I?” Harry asked, the confusion lacing with desperation in a dangerously unbalanced mixture.

“You would,” Severus agreed, “but only because you would know nothing else.”

“What do you mean?” Harry wanted to know, sounding marginally more curious now.

“I told you earlier that I will find peace in death. For you though, Harry,” he said heavily, “death would be a less than satisfactory option.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Harry demanded, feeling himself exploding out a too-long held breath.

Severus closed his eyes for a brief second before piercing Harry with his black eyes. “Because, Harry,” he insisted, “as hard as it is to fight for something that may well be out of our grasp, we must. If we give up, then Voldemort will win.”

Harry blew out a frustrated breath. “But that doesn’t even make any sense,” he countered. “Win what? Voldemort will be banished, no matter what happens to us. What does it matter?” he asked, his voice louder now and for some reason that made his father’s upper lip curl into a shape that almost mimicked a smile.

“Then would you simply prefer to go wherever Voldemort takes us, if nothing else matters?” he asked, his voice silky smooth.

“Of course not,” Harry returned, shuddering a little at the thought. An eternity with Voldemort… He narrowed his eyes a bit as he tried to understand the point his father was trying to make. “So, you want me not to give up even if only to keep from spending forever with Voldemort?” he decided.